Red Wine - White Linen | D.M

8

The boys are ahead of us when we walk into the hall, I look around to see if there is anywhere else I can go other than the table, preferably an escape route into nonexistence. Bingo. Toilets, Located towards the back right. I nudged Pansy. "Hey, I'm going to go to the loo, Ill be back."

She looks towards the toilets then shakes her head. "I know what's going on in that pretty little brain of yours, good luck, it's one in one out so you can't stay in for very long."

I head over there anyway. Pansy was right, one in one out managed by a professor. I really hate this school right now.
I manage to waste about 5 minutes. Not good enough, but nowhere else to go. I head towards the Slytherin table. Everyone was sat in the same places as breakfast, I take a seat, again, next to Pansy and Theo. By now I has developed an appetite again and all the food was looking absolutely delicious. What I would do for a spell that made calories not exist. I'm sure there's a dark curse out there somewhere, I'd definitely take the side effects it came with.

One more day I thought. Just one more day.
Although in reality it's not just one more day because I will restrict again and then I will binge again and then this will happen again.
Over and over again.

Someone jabs me in the shoulder.
"Helloo... are you going to eat or what, you're staring into space, Aren't you hungry? No breakfast remember! You need to eat!"
The words came from Theo but it was Pansy that poked me. I look left at Theo then right at Pansy. "Yes!"
It seemed I snapped a little too quick and sharply. which in effect, drew enough attention for Blaise and Draco to stop eating and look up at me. Pansy jabbed me again, under the table this time but gave me a slight look, she then started to ask Blaise a question which moved the attention from me to her, unfortunately Draco's remained.

I felt myself getting hot and my cheeks warming up, thankfully I wasn't blessed with the rosy cheek genes which meant I never turned red. Also meaning no one could see my embarrassment... Anxiety? Panic? Both. I felt like impaling myself with my wand.
I decide I couldn't just sit here and do nothing but read again, way too awkward to put up with. I'm going to have to put food on my plate. It was easy enough to pretend, but I lacked more with the self control more than anything. All I wanted to do was to eat until everything else went away.
Eat, eat, eat.
Such a small word with such big consequences.

The rest continue to eat and chat. I pick up a piece of bread and a tub of butter, butter would take a short while to spread and that will make me look like Im doing something, keeps my hands busy, and removes unwanted attention. I place the bread in the middle of my plate and the tub to the right.
Then I look up to evaluate my surroundings.
Everyone is busy, no attention towards me.
Except Draco.
He's still watching me. I feel myself start to sweat, I really don't like eyes on me. I need to carry on, I take my knife, pick up the tub and scrape the butter onto the smooth glistening stainless steel.
I slowly start to butter the slice of bread.

Looks so good.
Could just take one bite.

I stop for a second to rationalise with myself.

Looks so plain.
Not worth the calories.
You are disgusting.

I manage to prolong the spreading of the butter for approximately one minute and thirty seconds. I start slicing the bread in half then half again then place the knife down. Another pull apart and I'm finished.
I look back up towards him.
Still watching, looks smug.
I'm not really sure what to do at this point, just eat it? Maybe, but I was doing so well, and it's not even worth eating anymore.
My head repeats the same words, that annoying little voice. 30 hours left. 30 hours left.
So I decide to ignore him.
I listen for a few seconds then join in on the conversation Pansy Theo and Blaise are having. Something along the lines of who was going to be the new professor for charms class.
I stab one of the small squares of bread with my fork and start paying more attention.