Red Wine - White Linen | D.M

21

I traced my fingers over my lips similarly to an excitable school girl. I instantly cursed myself for thinking about it again, letting my heart jump abnormally and my hands tremble. I smoothed my tongue over my Cupid's bow, then bit my lip, attempting to erase the burning imprint of his.

I am not expecting another encounter, nor would I dare chase it. Even if I did yearn for it again.

Want and need. Two very different verbs.

I don't need this.
I don't need someone, him, to demolish what's left of me. I would drive him to destroy me.

How? Because if I let myself, -and I would-, I can become entirely fused to a person within a second. I rely on others to provide me happiness. I latch on to the only things that are shown to me, searching for contentment, but also using them to splinter myself further.

And it was Malfoy. He is known to hurt.

I can't imagine the damage he could do.
It weakened me to think about.

.

Informing Pansy was far less petrifying than I thought. She viewed me with genuine excitement as I told her all about how he had kissed me. After my enticement of course. But he had still kissed me.

Her expression faltered slightly when I recalled how after he withdrew his head back into his hands, sighed and retreated back to his room.

I realised I also must of fell asleep shortly after as my memory was non efficient. It was impaired for most of the night, but his lips, him, was cloudless, apparent and unmistakable. I wasn't sure whether to be thankful or unforgiving.

She eliminated her excitement swiftly and pursed her lips in thought. "This isn't good, very worrying."

A slight panic bubbled in my chest, wondering how out off all the dissimilarity of his behaviours, this was the most concerning.

She continued, making it clear this was, in fact, not regarding Draco. "I know how you- Draco he-"

Suddenly I became incapable after hearing his name out loud, a slither of a smile crept onto my face.

"Oh no." She almost tumbled off my bed realising the motive behind my inconvenient muscle movements. "This isn't good. You like him, you do don't you? I know what this means, this isn't good at all."

"I do not!"
My hasty reply confirmed it, Merlin it even confirmed itself to me. But I was not ready to admit that a minuscule cell in my brain had latched itself onto my intricate roomie.
The ex death eater.
Who was I kidding, the depraved fraction of me pleasured itself in reminding me that i found him more attractive for that reason exactly.

Whatever normal is, Im incapable apparently.

I persisted to tell myself I was forbidden to think about him. I wouldn't dare let myself like him. If this was a measly child's crush I could stop myself.

Taking admiration to him; It wasn't an option.
It isn't an option.

But fuck if that didn't make me want it more.

.

Days passed and things seemed manageable.
Although it could quite be an illusion, I say that because I've hardly seen him. And when I have, my heart decides to dislodge itself every time. In result I now have health anxiety alongside fancying a certain fair-headed tosser.