Red Wine - White Linen | D.M

3

Pansy and I sat down at the Slytherin table, it was dark outside but the great hall was bright. lit with so many candles and magical lights that if the windows weren't there you would of thought it was the middle of the day.

The hall continued to be filled with witch's and wizards, new and returning. Although I could tell there was far less returners than from the last year.
Everyone seemed surprisingly bright and buzzing as if there wasn't just a war last year. It made me frown.

How can people be so happy when I feel like this.

"Well well well, look what we have here, if it isn't my favourite threesome"

"Ew Theo" Pansy gave him an all to familiar look of hers.

"Hello Pans"
Pansy nodded at Theo as he sat down at the long table across from her and beside Blaise.

"Just saying I only take part in threesomes where there is two girls, NOT two boys"
I chuckled at Blaise's remark.

Theo turned to me with a slightly confused gaze then glanced back to Pansy. "Has your threesome turned into a foursome?"

Blaise groaned and threw up his hands, "please stop calling it a fucking threesome of foursome or a whateversome!"

Pansy started to speak again, brushing her brown hair over her shoulder. "Me and Keaton became very close over the holidays if you must know, so she's going to be hanging around with us now. She's not a complete stranger! She's in our house and you sat next to her in DADA back in forth year remember!" She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into her smiling.

"How do you even remember-" I started to say but got cut off.

"why do you get to decide who we become friendly with Parkinson?" Draco spoke for the first time since we got off the train. He turned towards me, facing me now. "Because If I had a choice, Black wouldn't be anywhere near me"

His words didn't hurt me, it's to be expected from him, anyone would know that.
"If you think I give a fuck about how you feel about me your very very wrong Malfoy so I wouldn't bother"

As soon as I said it I wondered if I should of waited until I was more comfortable within the group, not even knowing if anyone even liked me. To say something back to Draco was a dangerous move for others but considering I didn't feel much of anything anymore I doubt he would change that. Luckily the look on Blaise and Theo's faces wiped that thought straight out my head.

"I like this girl a lot, she can definitely be a part of our foursome" Theo smirked.
Blaise smacked his head into the table and groaned, cringing at Theo's choice of words.

Pansy started to speak, "technically that actually turns us into a fivesome if you're including yourself Theo."
He opened his mouth to start speaking but was cut off by professor McGonagall starting her beginning of year speech. The hall slowly turned from chattering to silence and I sighed while resting my hand on my chin and my elbow on the table supporting my head which felt heavy. The kind of heavy that felt like the world would have to end before it relived itself.
I turned to my left slightly, I looked across the table to the pale blonde boy, funny because he suited his skin tone so well, yet it was something upon myself I desperately tried to cover up.

He used his wand to pore the rest of the flasks contents into the cardboard coffee cup.

Seems someone else isn't coping too well.

———

"What do you mean the dorm rooms have changed?" 

I walked towards the room that Pansy's voice was coming from. There stood Pansy, Blaise and Draco. Draco was casually leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, he looked up from the argument to watch me walk in, our eyes met for a short second.

"The girls dorms are over their now," Blaise pointed towards the other end of the common room. "Also the rooms have changed too, they had to re build after the war remember? It's one person to a room but you have to share a bathroom with the person in the next room."

I sighed, relief mostly. finally some privacy this year.
Pansy proceeded to pull my arm towards the door, "come on, let's go find the best room".

Our dorms were basic but a blessing to my eyes, deep grey almost blue marble floors, a large queen maybe king size bed placed in the middle of the room but against the wall. A large window with delicately placed dark rich green curtains almost floating above the wooden frame of the window. What mostly caught my eye were the dark green silk sheets on the bed, immaculate without a crease in sight. I could never get over how stunning the Slytherin aesthetic was.

I walked straight through the bathroom door and then barged into Pansy's room to find another almost identical dorm. She was admiring her wardrobe, more likely the contents of her wardrobe. I watched while she carefully picked out a pair of pyjamas and then a white bath robe that was already sprawled across her bed.

"I'm going to have a bath, it's pretty early still so after I'll come to your room and we can chill? I'll finally paint your nails with that favourite colour that you like.... Yeah!?" Pansy excitedly half asked half stated while turning the water on.

I walked back into my room and rolled my eyes "thank fuck, about time you bitch, been hogging that forever". We laughed and she went to shut the door, I waved my arm to stop her before it closed, "oh also, knock when you wanna come in." I stated.
She gave me a look.
the look mixed with concern and curiosity, She knew what that meant, I was only careful about people walking in on me when I was up to something, apart from that I didn't really care. Although she wouldn't bring it up very often and I was thankful for that. The more close we became the less I minded talking about it and would find myself opening up to her more.

I started to unpack. My nicest clothes were already hung up in my wardrobe, thankful because I hated that part. We always had to unpack our other belongings ourselves. I didn't mind though, I didn't like the idea of anyone or anything knowing what else I packed.

I opened the draw that belonged to my night stand and started to fill it. I had a big enough box of tissues that could fill the needs of a large family. A small pink storage box with one side filled with anti bacterial wipes, those you would find in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey gave them out sometimes.
On the other side was neatly individually packaged bandages, the kind for open wounds instead of sprained wrists. And lastly another small pink pouch that had the features of a classroom pencil case, this one was filled with different small multiple blades.

She found a liking in caring for the wounds she deliberately caused upon herself, she liked buying different cleaning and caring products to sit upon the damage she was sometimes proud of.

I left the draw open and went to change into nightwear, I undressed the top half of my body first and glanced down at my arm.

Almost as wrecked as the grounds of Hogwarts were after the effects of war, though this was just a different battle ground.

What I saw ashamed me but also made me feel a special type of proud. I just couldn't explain the way they made me feel, the power it held on me.
Just another unstable relationship I had but this time it was upon myself, my skin.

different lengths, different depths and different healing stages. Just angry red lines. Or calm red lines depending how I wanted to look at it.
Something that now had become me, something no one could take away from me and that no one would ever try to if they wanted whats best for me. Sometimes proof of how much I despised myself or how sad I was, or how hurt or angry I was.

Sometimes I did it for no reason, I didn't feel any type of overwhelming emotion, sometimes I would just want to because I could.

And that's what really made it unhealthy.