I wish you were gay||Billie Eilish story

Chapter 14

Lila's P.O.V.                 -----Warning: Self harm-----

I woke up hearing little snores above me. I realized I was still cuddling with billie. I'm happy I was able to please her. The only reason I haven't done it before was because I was nervous and I didn't think I would do it right. I gently pried my way out of billie's grasp. When I got up I started looking for my clothes. I looked all over the room but they weren't in there. I left the room and went downstairs to see if she put my clothes in the living room. As I made my way downstairs I saw Finneas watching tv in the living room. "Oh hey Finneas." I say approaching the couch. "Hey." he said looking at me for a split second then turning back when he saw me in just a shirt. The shirt was almost to my knees but I still pulled it down. "Um... I know you're trying to forget about it, but I'm sorry for what happened earlier." He sighed as he kept his focus on the tv. "I don't mind it's just it's my sister so it's weird. Don't feel bad though. Sex is natural." I nod before I say, "I don't want things to be weird between you and Billie. The last thing I want is to mess up the amazing relationship you have with your sister." He nods understandingly and says, "As I told billie it'll be fine I just need a little time." As if he read my mind he says, "And your clothes are in the kitchen." I look over and see my clothes on the stool in the kitchen. "Thanks." I say before walking away. I grabbed my clothes and head back upstairs. I went into the room and billie was still asleep. I swear that girl can sleep through a tornado. I put on my clothes and placed the shirt billie gave me on the bed. I decided to try and wake billie up so I could head back to the hospital. I nudge her and the only thing she does is groan and say, "Five more minutes." "No billie I have to get back to the hospital." No answer. I climbed on top of her and shake her. "Billie, babes, come onnn." She turned over looking at me smiling. "What'd you call me." I rolled my eyes and just looked into billie's eyes. Why didn't I have pretty eyes like her's? "Round two?" she asks smirking. "No thank you. Your brother is weirded out enough." I say climbing off of billie. She sighed and got out of the bed. She went over and put on some white Air Force 1's. She throws on a hoodie and grabs her keys. She noticed the shirt on the bed and said, "You can keep that. As I reminder of me when I'm not with you." she smiled sweetly and I grabbed the shirt. We went downstairs and exchanged awkward goodbyes with Finneas. We got in the car and after driving for about 5 minutes, she asks, "How are things with you and scarlet?" I took a deep breath. Even the mention of scarlet now-a-days irritated me. "Well besides the fact she wants nothing to do with me when she gets out, the same shit." "How could she blame you for something you had no control of?" Billie asks. I swear I be trying to figure that out everyday. "I don't know but it's really bugging me." She nods slowly as she tries to keep her focus on the road. We stay silent for a while before the sound of billie's phone disrupts it. "Can you check that for me?" she asks nonchalantly. "Sure." I say picking up her phone. I pick up her phone and my heart drops to my stomach. I see a text from some girl named laila asking billie to come over cuz she was horny. This is exactly why I'm so hard on myself because I'm so damn vulnerable. I'm like a fucking open book when I'm in relationships. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard billie say, "Well? Who is it?" I looked at billie when I spoke. "Billie you know I've only been in one other relationship with this boy. He treated me nice and he was always there for me. He knew everything about me and I let him have every part of me. I fell in love with him. But as scarlet says, love can be blinding. I didn't see the signs. And he broke my heart. Every typical love story right?" tears swelled my eyes but I didn't let them fall. She looked at me like I was crazy. "What the hell are you talking about? Why are you telling me this?" My body was so still. It was like I was a statue. I wasn't even blinking. "Billie I'm understanding and I don't like fighting over petty stuff. I'm gonna give you one chance to tell me who laila is and what's going between you two. I don't like liars so don't lie to me." 

Billie's P.O.V.

Shit. I forgot all about Laila. I told her not text me unless I call her. I look at Lila for a second and I can see the hurt all over her face. She looks like she's about to cry but she doesn't. I didn't say anything. I didn't know how to tell her without hurting her. This is exactly why I don't do relationships. It's easier fucking around because I don't have to deal with all this drama. Even though we weren't together at the time and we're still not, I really like her and don't wanna lose her. I pulled up to the hospital and I still haven't said anything. She looked at me for a hot second then got out of the car. "When you're ready to talk, call me billie." she says. She sounded close to tears. She slammed the door and went into the hospital. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I just tell her? I quickly pulled off angry at myself.

Lila's P.O.V.

I can't believe billie. But then again I could because she's said millions of times she don't do relationships. I guess I thought it'd me different between us I wanted to cry but I didn't let myself. I didn't see my mom or scarlet's dad in the waiting room so I assumed they were in scarlet's room. When I got to her room I only saw her in there. "Hey." She doesn't reply but instead rolls her eyes and gets on her phone. "Where did my mom and your dad go?" "To freshen up and get clean clothes." she says bluntly while still on her phone. "Scarlet, you know you don't have to be so fucking bitter all the time." I say still annoyed about the laila thing. "Well you would be too if you had to be in this hellhole everyday and not even get a whiff of fresh air. And if you had to see the person who caused it pretend to care about you." she shot back. I was so over this. "You know what I realized scarlet? The real reason you're upset with me is because I didn't choose you. And it's not because I don't like you, but because We've been friends for so long. Anytime you thing about the idea of me and billie, you get angry because you're trying to figure out why that isn't you!" I could tell she was really bothered by what I said. I see her eyes start to water. "I know. Because everything is about Lila, Lila, Lila, right? I'll be out next week so you don't have to worry about it." She looked down then back up and said, "Matter of a fact, you don't have to come back here. Now get the fuck out!" She turned away from me and I stormed out of the room. I went back to that bathroom and just like before no one was in there. I ran my fingers aggressively through my hair then I began to pull more out. Right about now I wanted to shave it all off. It was already mostly gone in the back. I was crying of frustration and my hands were shaking. I went into one of the stalls and fell to my knees. What is wrong with me? Why does these things always happen to me? I saw something in the corner of my eye and looked over. It was a pair of nail scissors. My mind went to the worst places when I was upset. I hesitated before I picked up the scissors. Self harm was not something I was proud of but it helped me cope with the pain. All the memories of the bad things that happened to me flood my mind. I pulled my pants half way down and cut towards middle of my thigh. I winced in pain. It hurt but I felt like I deserved it so it kind of made me feel better. The cut was deep but not that deep. I tried to get up off the floor without brushing against the cut but I was unsuccessful and it hurt like hell. I pulled up my pants and made my way to the sink. I took some paper towels, wet them, and carefully put pressure on the cut. I cleaned it out while crying in pain. Before I left the bathroom I made sure my hair was in place so no one can see the back of my head. 

----Time skip-----

I finally made it home after I walked all the way there. I was partially limping because of the cut. When my mom opened the door, she looked concerned. "Honey did you walk all the way here? And are you hurt?" I promised her I would tell her everything but not right now. I need to be alone right now. "Mom it's a long story but I'm fine. Can I tell you later? I'm really tired." She looked worried but still moved aside to let me pass. I know I don't show her much appreciation but she was the best mom you could have. "Thanks mom. I love you." I walked up the stairs heading to my room. "If you need anything call me. I'll be at the hospital." My mom yelled after me. "Okay." I yell back. I go to my room, close the door, and cry into my pillow. I was back to the same place I was when this depression shit started. I feel so damn sad for no reason and I hated it. And to make matters worst, I still have her damn shirt. 

See ya'll Monday

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