Hawkeye: Agony

Bucky Barnes

"You... were the one that killed them?" I stared at Bucky for a moment and saw the regret behind his eyes, "Sorry."
I had a few questions for the greasy haired guy and I think he knew.
"He doesn't know."
"Tony would kill you..."
"I know," He said, never looking at me and staring in to the horizon.
"And we won't let him if he finds out."
He looked at me then, "You've known me five minutes."
I smirked a little, "You're just like Steve. I can read you better than you think I can," I looked down at him, "You regret everything you've done."
Bucky stood up quickly and shoved his hands in to his pockets.
"You wouldn't feel so nervous around Steve otherwise. You don't want to hurt him."

He stared at me for a moment and then slowly sat back down, "Where did you serve?" He pulled his gaze away from me and back to the skyline, "Usually, it's people who have fought that understand what it's like. That regret."
I chuckled weakly, "Well, I served in Budapest and any other wars I could help in. I usually go after the secret ops though, so I wouldn't call it serving on that level," I looked at him, "I'm an Agent of SHIELD. I work with Steve. But that's not why I understand..."

I saw it in his eyes. The moment I mentioned SHIELD, something behind his eyes burnt.
Bucky lunged forward and tackled me down so that my head was over the edge of the building, his metal hand coming down around my neck to pin it there.
I grabbed on to his sleeve and tried to throw him off, but what I now know as his soldier strength was too much for me to throw away. In my struggle, I tore off his sleeve, revealing his metal arm in all of its glory.
The Soviet Star caught my eye and I knew.
"Bucky, you're not at Hydra. I'm not going to hurt you..."
Mentioning Hydra made him madder and he raised a fist above my face.

Now this is where I could have called for Steve. He'd have heard, even if I was being choked in to a Violet Beauregarde level blueberry. But this guy was too afraid to go back to the facility with us, and me screaming fire wouldn't have made it better.

"You want to take your pain out on me? Do it. I deserve it."
He paused a little and punched once, hard enough that my head snapped back over the edge and my neck clicked loudly as a bone chipped. One of my hearing aids fell to the pavement below, which left me with a high pitch ring in one ear.
Coughing a little, I mumbled, "I know what it's like because I've been there. I worked for some people who killed for the adrenaline. I've killed good people because someone told me to. No one made me."
I looked up at him, just as he punched again, breaking my jaw.
I sputtered, "I killed my wife... and now I have to go home to those kids every day and try to make them feel safe around me."
Bucky stopped and watched me closely before dropping his fist.
"I'm not letting you face Tony alone, because I know how much it takes,"

I coughed up a little bit of blood from my broken jaw and his expression came back to reality.
He looked wounded and a little scared of himself, "I'm sorry."
He walked me inside and on to the couch and ran off to find medical supplies without looking at Steve.
Steve looked between us both with an open mouth, "What did I_?"
"Can't hear you," I tapped my ear, keeping my good ear against the couch to support the neck fracture.
I smirked at Steve's frown and watched him go to the roof, probably to find my hearing aid.

**

"You know, for first introductions, that was pretty shit," I gave Bucky a small smile to tell him I was joking, and he managed a smile back.
"Yeah well,... technically it was your fault," He smirked weakly, watching the roll of tape he'd been tossing around in his hands for the last ten minutes, not really trying to find the end of the roll.
"Hey I didn't know you had trigger words, Mr. Winter Soldier," I watched his face fall a little, "Sorry."
"I'm... sorry about your wife. And for assuming."
"I guess Steve was right. We're not so different."
"... I really don't need another punk like Rogers. You better not be that stupid."
"Oh he's even worse. Look at his face. That's what he gets," Steve smirked weakly with a serious nod.
"Wow I'm being bullied by the two oldest men on the planet."
Bucky chuckled and eventually grabbed some tape to strap a thin pillow around my neck, "If you two are my only options, I'm doomed."

**

Bucky had filled me in on his past, the Winter Soldier - and whilst he was doing that, Steve had found my hearing aid. It was crushed in to a million pieces by a cyclist, apparently. But I still think he crushed it in his giant man hands.
I could hear through the echoed audio of my single hearing aid, but the tinnitus was very distracting, so I took the other aid out and watched their lips instead.

They were talking about Steve throwing up on the cyclone. Which, having been a circus act at Coney Island, I kind of found it hilarious thinking of all the horror stories I could tell Steve to get him to throw up.
My face hurt, a lot. But I didn't want to show anything in case Bucky decided I wouldn't want to help.

After a while, I spoke quietly, "Nat won't be happy to see you either, if she's figured out who you are by now."
They both looked over at me with hints of worry and confusion, so I continued,
"She's got quite the scar. She told me it was from the Winter Soldier," I said, glancing at Bucky.
"Nat will trust me a lot easier than Tony, " Steve looked at me and I nodded in response, "She'll trust you even more, Clint."

I looked at Bucky, "So is it gone? The soldier..?"
"I don't think it will ever be," He picked up a plum. A plum? .. Memory loss. How much has he forgotten?
I gave him a small worried look and he gave me a small smile with a quiet shake of his head to tell me he was fine.

I stood up quickly despite the protests that I shouldn't move my neck,  and walked over to my phone. Leaning on a desk, I scrolled through videos until finally I found it and held out the phone to Bucky.
He looked confused for a moment then silently watched.

**

"Why am I recording this again?"
A young Phil Coulson turned and smiled down at me behind the camera, he signed as he spoke.
"So you can watch it whenever you can't make it here yourself."
The video panned around to show the Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian - and then back to Phil who had run up to the Captain America statue to pose with it like he hadn't been there already two days ago.
"See? It's so cool!"

**

As the camera panned around the exhibition, Bucky would carefully dive on the phone in my hand to pause it, so that he could read all of the information on the panels.
"I've read these before..." He looked at me like he wasn't sure if I'd hurt him somehow.
"It's... just an old exhibition. The new stuff is a bit more current," I gave him a calm look, "This is your life. Or what we knew before we found this guy in a popsicle mould of a jet."
Steve shot me a look, then mumbled to get his own back, "Cute kid," with a smirk at the video.

They both watched the video a few times each, with Steve filling in the gaps. Bucky slowly looked calmer, after he processed that I hadn't taken any memories from him. Eventually, he had a few war stories that he could tell us in return. The Howling Commandos forming. Falling off the train.
They slowly became more about hydra; what he remembers happening to him. Getting his arm. A mission to kill the president. One was about a room full kids dancing ballet and _. Oh no.

I fell backwards in to a chair, with my hand on the small bullet hole scar by my heart.