Hawkeye: Agony

The Inevitable

"Clint... What did you do...?"
Natasha looked back at Steve, realising he'd figured out Clint was under the mask too.
"Barton would not hurt his wife..." Thor looked between everyone with a solemn gaze.
"Well apparently he'd hurt us," Tony said landing opposite me.
"That's not him," Nat mumbled, trying to hold herself together whilst glancing between Laura and me.

She began walking up to me. "Hey Hawkeye... This'll be okay..."
I looked down on her in a stiff soldier stature with my hand gripping the bow tightly by my side.
With a glance at my hand she added, "Keep fighting it..." before wrapping her hand around mine and gently taking the bow away.
With her other hand, she reached up to remove the cowl but I grabbed her wrist tightly which made her wince, putting Steve on guard.
"Let her go, Barton."
Natasha spoke softly, "Steve take the cowl... I'm okay..."
Steve hesitated a little bit but I felt the cowl slip off my face from behind after a moment.
My eyes were red and watery from fighting the energy that was forcing it's way through my head.

Natasha looked at the collar, but moved away when Tony edged himself a little closer, with caution, to examine it. She kept a hold of my hand, believing that she might be helping me to hold back from attacking them.
"I think it's attached to him. I don't want to take out his neck..."
"He's in pain," Steve added, "We should get him back before that magician shows up again..."

They all looked up then and saw him in my bird's nest, but the Ringmaster didn't move.
"I said it was his 'final performance' and I meant it," He smirked between them, relishing their fear and concern, "However, if you come back to find us, arrest us... I can make things so much worse for you, Avengers."

Steve froze for a second, with his natural instinct telling him to head south after the Ringmaster, "We should get him to medical..." He looked up at Thor and Thor picked me up over his shoulder and walked out of the tent, glancing back to make sure everyone was behind him.

Wanda was kneeling on the floor outside next to Bruce who was shirtless and running his hands through the pebbled walkway to try and resurface himself to reality, after the Hulk took over. The Gambonno Twins, Bruto, Python and the Cannonball were all in an unconscious heap beside them.
Wanda looked up, keeping a glowing red hand on Bruce's head, "You found him," She smiled but it dropped a little as she read all of their expressions, then looked behind the group at Steve carrying Laura.

A quick gasp escaped her lips and she covered her mouth with her free hand and cried a little, her sudden emotions causing Bruce to wake up. Bruce looked scared by whatever Wanda suddenly showed him and he looked more shaken than normal, which made Wanda feel worse and quickly pull her hand away.

**

The collar had kept me in a blurred state of mind, but I remembered small flashes when I came to in a medical bed. I remembered the collar being put on me; fighting Steve; Natasha holding my hand... And an empty human board.

I tried to look down at myself but my head was stuck in a neck cast, which was mainly there to hold together the stitches that were currently around my neck like a choker. Despite my fixed gaze, I could feel the cold metal around my wrists that were holding me to the bed.

"You did good Barton," Steve moved himself in to my view and gave me a warm smile, but I could see in his eyes that he was holding back something, "You saved us out there. Thank you."
My voice broke a little, "What happened?" I tried to meet his eye but Steve kept glancing away, which wasn't like him.
He sat down beside me, knowing I couldn't see his face.
"You took a big hit... You should rest. It's been a long week."
"I've got no other choice," I said before we shared a nervous pause that lasted for an eternity, "What did I do...?"
Steve decided not to answer and he just looked at me. Though I couldn't see him, I felt his heavy gaze.
"I was fighting you."
"I'm okay, Clint, really."
"Then who isn't?"

Steve didn't answer that either and he waited until Nat walked in to break the silence before speaking again, "He's awake."
Natasha had baby Nathaniel in her arms who, until a few hours ago, had been left in the care of Jarvis in the form of a spare Iron Man suit.
"Say hi to Daddy, Nate," Natasha said with a very forced, happy voice for Nathaniel. She placed him on my chest and rubbed her eyes out of my line of sight.
"You both sound like you're hiding something... You're sad," I looked down at Nathaniel and held him to my chest gently, and he hummed happily as I rubbed his back.
I almost begged, "Please, what did I do...? Why is Nate here...?"
I heard a shiver in Nat's voice.
"Where's Laura...?"

**

I knew it would happen one day. I've feared it since the day we met. I hoped that when it did, I would be there to stop it...
I just never thought I'd be the one to kill her.

I lay there for hours with Nathaniel on my chest; thinking and trying not to cry even though no one was now close by to see. All of the gaps in my mind remained blank, and I felt more broken as the time passed. I was only woken up from my thoughts when Nathaniel began to cry for food.
"Ssshhh.. I can't move, Buddy..." My head started to pound at the sound of his crying, "Someone will come to feed you..." My voice cracked again to the point that I could barely talk with tears, "I'm sorry Buddy... I can't look after you like your mother could... I don't know how to be a parent... You don't deserve me."