Hawkeye: Agony

The Bus Stop

"Clint! We could die here! What don't you understand?!"
"I don't understand how you can throw away this life, Barney! These people brought us in! They're the only family we've ever had!"
"You remember Mother and Father. You know they were better people than these..."
"You actually believe that?!"

I found myself to be screaming at my older brother.
I didn't know if I truely understood what I was saying, but it comforted my head to speak my mind to my brother - even if I did sound harsh.

"I do. Father may have been an idiot but _..."
"An IDIOT?! You know that he was so much worse than that!"
"Fine," Barney said; finally giving in, "But what about Mother?"

I didn't have a response...

"She shouldn't have died like that... She didn't deserve it," I said quietly,
"But this? This is about the Circus; a new life. They won't go through to the original plans now that we know about them."
"But what if they did?! Are you going to go along with them? Are you going to murder people, Clint?!"

I looked down. I was suddenly feeling the dominance of Barney. Would I murder people? ...Surely not ... right?

"I wouldn't... You know that..." I looked up again only to finally see the lack of trust he had in me, and my facial expression showed it - the hurt. I felt small against my older brother but I didn't question what he said.

Barney could clearly see my nervousness, and he sighed.
"Clint. I'm going to get on the bus in the morning."
"No!" I said desperately, "No, Barney, please! Please stay here!" I must have looked small; weak; cowardice.
"If you're too scared to stay with them alone - then you know they're bad."
"That's not it! I _!" The correct words tried their best to form, though none came. I had no excuse. I wanted him to stay by my side; to jump in when things got out of hand - just like I knew they would. I wanted to stay with him... But I enjoyed the Circus too much.

Barney cut me off before I found my tongue, "Clint... You don't have to be there, alright. But please, consider it. My offer will still stand in the morning - I'll be waiting for you, at the bus stop. I'll be the last one to get on; I'll wait for you as long as I possibly can...I just..." he sighs heavily, "...we've only got each other."

Barney made his way to his trailer, and I was stood in the centre of the Circus tent - gawping. Should I have gone after him? Should I have packed?
... I did neither.

**

I foolishly picked up a bow and started shooting at the targets that me and Barney had draped the tent with - and I shot at each with a perfect bullseye.
Proud of my achievement, I managed a smirk,
"See? This is where I'm meant to be!" I said out loud to myself reassuringly.
I managed a cold laugh, "Who in their right mind would want to be a soldier?! He'll never get recognised for what he's doing. Only that Captain America bozo got that much credit." I sounded gradually darker.