𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐋, john taylor

HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT

"Oh, Diane. I didn't know you and John were....ya know. Back together." Andy said as Diane took a seat at the table with Simon on her right and John on her left. Nick clear across from her. She tried not to make direct eye contact with him. But, it was difficult.

"Oh, yeah. Who's this?" Diane asked switching the conversation up and pointing to the girl Andy had by his side. She smiled and put her hand out to shake.

"Tracey." She said with a sweet voice, Diane shook her hand with a generous grin. Tracey was so sweet looking.

"Diane." She said back before looking to Andy to continue. Andy looked so happy he could explode, with a strong arm locked around her shoulders firmly. He was proud of himself.

"This is my girlfriend Tracey." Andy proudly stated before kissing the side of her head. It was so adorable but yet Diane wished John would show that kind of affection to her in public. But, the only thing he'd done was hold her hand, or sometimes put his arm around her shoulders.

"So," Simon clapped his hands together with a smile, "who's up for some cocktails." He asked with his eyebrows raised. Roger, who had kept quiet most of the time, finally spoke up.

"You read my mind." He stated before waving the waitress over. Diane laughed at his sudden words, but tried to keep on the low side. Didn't want to draw any more attention to herself. Diane didn't touch one drink that whole night, and neither did John. They were both scared of what happened last time could potentially happen again. So they kept their distance from alcohol for the night. The more Diane looked at Andy and Tracey, kissing, hugging, and laughing with each other. Her envy grew. She wasn't angry with John. But, she could only wish for John to show her that kind of love.

It bothered her the whole night, and so did exchanging glances with Nick every now and then unintentionally. It was awkward, completely awkward and it made Diane feel different. Sweaty and nervous. Her hands were constantly fidgeting with her hair, shirt, and shoes. She couldn't seem to find comfort.

"What's wrong?" John whispered over to her. Diane had totally made a fool of herself in front of everyone. How could she explain this to John without him thinking she still thought of Nick? Or without John thinking Diane was worried?

"Nothing. Just fidgety for some reason." She answered with a conforming grin. John didn't push it any further even though he knew she was lying. So he nodded and jumped back into a conversation between him and Simon. Diane kept quiet and slumped in her chair. Not listening to a single thing anyone said. Everything felt like it was tearing at the seams again and she couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Diane. I'm gonna go to the bathroom to touch up a bit, wanna come with?" Tracey broke her out of her disappointment. Diane looked to her with confusion but nodded when she realized she needed a minute away from all this. She stood up and followed Tracey to the bathroom. She felt sick, but it was a sickness that doctors didn't diagnose you with. It was self made sickness.

"What's wrong? I was watching you and you seemed off." Tracey softly brought it up as they both stood in front of the mirror. Diane closed her eyes with annoyance and sighed. She'd have to explain this to her now. She couldn't complain though, it was nice having a girl to talk to.

"Nothing. It's just....I see the way Andy hugs you and kisses you. He does it all the time and he's not scared to do it in front of people. You're so lucky. John will only hold my hand at the most. I wish he'd give me that attention in public like Andy does you. I can't help but feel like it's a sign that he's not really in love with me. Or maybe he is, but just not as much as I am." Diane rambled on and on. Tracey knew the feeling all to well. Softly, she stopped Diane's rambling and pulled her to a calm state.

"Andy's just really affectionate. It's overly sweet, and John isn't falling out of love with you! He's just scared because he loves you so much that he doesn't want to rush things. Why don't you tell him how you feel and maybe it'll spark some things up." Tracey suggested happily. It gave Diane some hope. Some actual hope. Maybe she was just out of her head after all. But, the worries didn't go away that easily.

"Yeah, yeah maybe that's it. But, how can you be so sure. I mean, what if he—"

"He loves you. I promise he does, I see the way his eyes light up when he looks your direction. I see that way he gets all tense when your around. That's not just a thing he does for anyone, he loves you Diane. Just talk to him. Before I do." Tracey assured her sweetly. Diane really thought over her words. She felt the shivers when she looked at John. And those shivers weren't anything she'd ever felt before. Tracey was right, and Diane was gonna take her advice and use it. If it meant building up this braveness that she didn't know she had. Then that's what she'd do.