INK | 18+

eighteen: at my worst.

X A V I E R

"Xavvy?" Jelani muttered to him as she rested her head on the cool countertop. They had just taken a shower and Xavier decided to make breakfast for them at 5 a.m.

"Yeah?" He asked delicately. The silence of the early morning flooded above his voice, making it seem louder than it actually is. "My dad got arrested the day I said we can't see each other anymore..."

Xavier looked up at her in surprise, he had never once asked her about her personal life. "For?" He questioned; he didn't think it was wrong to know. "Bringing illegal things into America. We requested bail; my sister and I are working on paying it," She said looking down. "He's probably going to get deported. And so will the rest of my family, including me. My sister won't because she's married to an American citizen. But I'm not. But my father wants to arrange a marriage between an American Nigerian he knows here...of course: I'm not gonna do it but...I can't do that to my family. No matter how much I hate them...all I've ever wanted was freedom. And it means being here," she sighed hopelessly, tears formed in her eyes.

"You see — it's a little harder than it seems because once upon a time my mother had an affair with the head of the American Embassy in Nigeria. She was just 24 and he was twice her age. She fell pregnant with his child and ended her relationship with him as well as stole a shit load of money from him. She tricked him, played him and he was deeply in love with her....he wants revenge now. And he's doing everything to ruin my family's lives because of his heartbreak. Him getting my father arrested was the first step of his malicious plan, Xavier. I don't want to go back to Nigeria. Nor do I want to go back to Jamaica forever."

The tears easily sprung out of her eyes, Xavier instantly embraced her. His hug castled her, and she felt a little less stressed when his arms cuddled her. "I don't know what to do. And I know  you hate it when there's an overflow of emotions but I'm so scared..." She sobbed.

Xavier's heart ached as he heard her rhythmic cries — he knew that she thought of him as a heartless and angry model with a pretty face. That's what he painted himself out to be. "Jelani," He comforted. She looked up at him and he stared at her full green-brown eyes. "Other than us just fooling around...we're sort of friends, you get me? Crying and mental breakdowns...trust me — I would understand it because I fuckin' love to cry and hate the world. Tell me what we need to do, baby, we'll do it," he smiled, his mind often drifting to believing that Jelani was his.

"Well, I need to get my dad—" she started, "How much is the bail?" Xavier interrupted. "I'm not going to let you pay for it," She sniffed. "Lani...money for people like you is a big deal. Money for me is just some jack shit I didn't work for," He reassured. "People like me?" Jelani scoffed, she sort of had a small giggle out of what he just said. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. But seriously. Let me do something, I'm actually begging you, let me help you," he pleaded. "I don't need your money, Xavvy," She said, lengthening her arm to massage his ear. "You can sort the rest of the shit out, just let me deal with the money."

"No," she sighed. "Yeah," he coaxed. "You know the first time we talked, I really knew you were stubborn. For now, can you get out of that character and just accept help?" He said, sitting in front of her. Her eyes focused on his bare chest that descended and elevated with every breath he took.

Lani hated help. She hated the feeling of relying on someone to help her. That's probably why her parents believed she was a whore. She didn't settle in relationships where the guy was too helpful.

"Half," She proposed. He rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his inked hips. "Fine."

"How much is it?" He asked, sucking on his teeth. "20,000 dollars," She cried. Xavier let out a loud breath. "That's a lot," He laughed. Jelani felt down again. Asking a guy for money? Was that how desperate she was to help her parents that don't even love her? "I'll pay full, baby."

"No. I'll get the money," She reassured. "How?" He asked her. "I have a job," she pouted. "That you use to pay your school fees, am I right?" He predicted. "Angel — unless you're gonna rob a bank, just accept help. Please?"

"No, Jesus, " She said  miserably. "I want to Lani," He groaned. "Look — I want you to stay. And I mean, you're still super young, baby. At 21, I wasn't stressing about this type of stuff. So let me help you." He caressed her arm in slow, hearty movements that made her blush under his touch.

"Isn't it crazy how you'll be 30 in like two years?" Jelani grinned, changing the subject. "By 30, I wanna be a daddy," He smiled.

"Aren't you already?" Jelani smirked and wrapped her arms around his waist. He hugged her back and felt a greater deal of warmth with Jelani than he had when he had the passionate hug with Daphne.

"Okay now, make me food, I'm hungry!" She chuckled, standing up. Xavier took a moment to appreciate her. The way her body traveled like valleys, her body wasn't in proportion — her body contrasted with widened distances and narrow areas. After they took a shower — prior to Jelani crying and opening to Xavier about her family, she had put her hair in thick bantu knots that Xavier found adorable. Something was just different about Jelani, she was confident but insecure at the same time. She was elegant but humorous. She was proud but humble...

And somehow she made Xavier feel some type of way.

Without them touching one another, the afterglow of them touching each other remained: beaming their skins like the crisp lavender of dawn.

"Jelani River, you are beautiful," He said as he kissed her hard, and desperately. "You too," she smiled against his lips and cupped his face. She got onto her tiptoes and kissed his forehead.

____

Song: Juice by Ilya

i've been so busy so i apologize. ive been deleting this chapter then rewriting for the past 3 days. anyway...go stream beyonce's lemonade album !!