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Hurt People Hurt People

"Please let me in, Hyejin. I can explain. Please."

*An hour earlier...*

Namjoon was in line at the local convenient store. It was a weekend so the queue was longer than usual. He sighs. This was his 3rd pack this week. Namjoon wasn't always such a heavy smoker. In fact, he quit some time ago to preserve his health, stamina, and vocal cords. On one hand, he loved the head rush he would experience with every puff he drew in. It was enough to cloud his mind and numb painful memories he would much rather forget. But on the other hand, he knew they were cancer on a stick. They promised temporary relief for long term, unsolvable problems, the worst possible juxtaposition.  

So why was he going back to old, destructive habits? Maybe because of a beautiful lady named Ahn Hyejin. Or rather, because of the intense, overwhelming feelings he had for the younger. He was terrified... scared shitless. He puts up a good front of being the confident, macho leader of BTS but in reality, he's struggling like everyone else to keep it together. You see, Namjoon is notorious for self sabotaging whenever he had any good thing going on in his personal life, especially when it came to love. 

Namjoon had only been in love one time in his life. They had met in college and were together up until he dedicated himself to BTS full time. He was so confident that she was the one even at such a young age. They were each others' safety net. All of their friends would joke that they were already a glorified married couple and to not forget to send them invites to their future wedding. Even as he was becoming a kpop trainee, she was there for him every step of the way. She had made him feel so loved and secure. He was so serious and infatuated with her that he introduced her to his parents and loved ones. He was truly committed to her.

Needless to say, she was the last woman he had brought home to meet his family. He suddenly became busier and busier due to juggling his education and training schedule. She was also busy focusing on her studies and part-time job. There was not a lot of time left in the days for them to see one another. Despite this, Namjoon made it a point to always call or text to say goodnight to which she always responded... in the beginning anyway. Soon the replies from her became curt and short. Or worse, there would be no response at all, sometimes for days on end. Namjoon would be hurt but understood that it was probably because of her hectic schedule. 

-FLASHBACK-

One day, when he had finished all of his school work and had a free day from training, he decided to surprise her at her dorm. Graduation was just around the corner and he wanted to make up for all the lost time because of  being too occupied with other responsibilities. He left his apartment that he shared with BTS to go pick up some flowers, her favorite foods and snacks, and champagne. He planned to have a picnic at Namsan Park. It was a beautiful day and Namjoon was so excited and anxious as he pulled up to her building. 

With the flowers in hand, he walked up to her floor. He knocked a couple of times but there was no answer. He was sure she was home as he had seen her car parked in her usual spot. 

He was about to give up but decided to try to turn the knob at the off chance it might be unlocked. To his shock and annoyance, it was. He mentally reminded himself to scold his girlfriend for her lack of safety precaution. He made his way through the house and to his girlfriend's door. He opened it slowly figuring she might have been sleeping. 

He peeked in and his eyes widened at the sight before him. He forcefully swings the door fully open making it slam against the wall. 

"What the hell is this?!"

...

He finds himself at Han River later that day, eyes red and cheeks stained with tears... a cigarette in one hand and the other clutching a small velvet ring box.