Dulce Secretum

22

Chapter 22

"You should call me."

I lay my head down on his chest as we cuddled together, his arms wrapped securely around me while his fingers absentmindedly played with my hair. The soft rhythm of his breathing against my ear was enough to calm me; it always did. I closed my eyes, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath my cheek.

"Syempre," I whispered, smiling faintly.

"And message me," ani Julio. "I can't answer immediately, but I will."

His thumb brushed the back of my hand in that same careful way he always did, the way that made me feel like my pulse was visible, like my thoughts were laid bare.

He sighed. "Once I graduate... I'll be near you all the time."

Hindi ko mapigilan ang matawa, like the sound would reassure both of us. "Hindi naman 'yon pwede. May trabaho ka pa."

"I'll visit. All the time," he insisted. "And we'll have vacations. During the long weekends, we'll visit our beach house in Aurora. We can walk by the shore and watch the stars. And then we can go on dates in Talavera..."

I closed my eyes. The words sounded like music, and yet I felt a pang in my chest. I could almost hear the waves, smell the salty air, but I also remembered how fragile those plans were. How easily they could vanish.

He took my hand, squeezing it lightly. "What do you think?"

"I'd love that," I said softly.

"And in a year, you'll graduate," he said, excitement laced in his voice, like he was already seeing our lives unfolding before us.

"I'll take the LET," I continued, half-joking, half-dreaming.

"And then..." he whispered, his voice dropping lower. "What's next?"

I already had a feeling about what he would say. My heart beat faster.

"Let's get married."

My heart warmed up at his words. I kept my eyes closed, afraid that if I opened them, the moment would disappear. I wanted to stay right there—his arms around me, the faint smell of his cologne, the softness of his skin beneath my cheek. I wanted to believe that the world outside his embrace didn't exist.

"I'll give you anything you want," he said, his voice trembling with a boyish certainty. "We can have a gazebo in our home, a dog, a room filled with all the books you like. What else?"

He shifted a little, drawing me closer, and I opened my eyes. His brown eyes met mine with that same tenderness that made the rest of the world blur away. The same eyes I haven't seen since that night—warm, patient, full of quiet promises.

I swallowed hard, aware of a truth I couldn't voice: our plans, our future, were fragile. Already, the world outside his arms was creeping in. I thought of Tita Nina, of the shadows in our family, of secrets I couldn't yet speak aloud.

I could reach for the phone a hundred times, but I'd never have the courage to make a message... Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Kahit na tawagan ko siya, hindi niya naman ako masasagot. Alam na kaya ni Julio kung ano ang nangyari?

I don't even know what I'd say if he answered. How could I tell him that everything we dreamed about—our plans, the home we'll make for ourselves, the future we whispered about—ended before it even began?

All I can do now is remember. Over and over, I replay our days together—the laughter, the teasing, the phone calls after school, the nights when we'd stay up talking about everything and nothing. His hands brushing the hair off my face. The way he'd call me "Jaja" like it was the gentlest word he'd ever spoken.