Right My Wrongs || Jordan Baker [ON HOLD]

Lose Yourself 《1》

Game after game, Beverly had been killing it on the field. They had been finally working together as a team, instead of holding grudges against one another. They had finally become teammates, playing to their full potential. The excitement and determination radiated off the team, after and before games. The locker room would rumble, because of the excitement and cheering of the team, everyone participating in the loud noises, everyone except Janelle.

Janelle had been playing great, except for the first couple of games she played after her ankle was fully healed. She had seen the boys work great without her, and was determined to get back on that field, but when she got back, things didn't go as she expected them to. She had thrown interceptions and taken sacks, left and right, until Coach Baker took her out of the game, giving Jordan the spotlight for most of it. That was the worst she played of the season, and the last time she played like that was the beginning of the State Championships last season.

《♡》

The locker room filled with cheering and screams, as the boys had just won the game, even though it had looked like they would lose, due to the poor plays of the new QB. Janelle couldn't match their excitement, since her hesitation almost cost them the game, she decided to head straight to the girl's locker room, she wanted to be alone.

《♡》

Janelle had been alone most of her life when living in Arizona. Her mother was a hard worker and was barely around, but when she was, it was great. Janelle always felt she had to figure out her emotions on her lonesome because of it. She hates being wrapped up in her own emotions, for reasons she didn't want to be true. She had always felt like if she couldn't identify what she felt, or say it aloud, it wasn't true, making herself believe she was just making things up, in her lonely, isolated mind.

She couldn't even talk to people about her emotions, never was accustomed to it. She was taught to stuff her emotions in the back of her mind, and don't acknowledge their existence. She never personified them, never wanted to acknowledge them. She was brought up to think, showing emotions makes you weak, and fragile, so it was better to not pay them any attention, right?

So when alone, Janelle would always do something dumb, and stupid. And the last time she made a rash decision based on her unwanted emotions, her mother died. So, she just grew into facing her emotions alone, or not at all.

《♡》

Janelle sat in the locker room, sweating because of the heat. She couldn't move-didn't want to either. She sat there, like a blank canvas, waiting to be painted on. Her mind blank, as the loud screeching from across the hall, intensified. She closed her eyes, and she breathed in and out, trying to calm her anxiety down, and she felt like she was going to pass out or something. Once she calmed herself down, she went into the showers, trying to clear her mind.

She wanted to prevent the time she felt this way, so she just thought of nothing. She washed her body with a bar of soap, and she felt blank. She just didn't want to feel.

《♡》

Janelle sat on the bar table, alone, as she slurped on her drink. The boys and Leila were playing pool, on the other side of the sports bar. Jordan and Spencer had invited the girl in an attempt to congratulate themselves on the win, but also in an attempt to cheer her up. They both saw the change of behavior of the girl after the other night when returning to Beverly Hills, from Crenshaw. They saw the change of determination on the field, the girl was different, and it scared them.

Jordan had been worried. He knew the pressure of being the QB, but he didn't know the struggle of being a woman and a QB at the same time. He knew how it felt to beat yourself up after being sacked or throwing interceptions, he knew she felt like it was her fault for the loss. But the problem was, they hadn't lost, not one game, and the girl was still beating herself up about it.