More Than Meets the Eye

Chapter Eighteen

Addison's Point of View

The ride home is nothing short of awkward. I sat beside Auston, but I still tried to maintain my distance as much as I could. This conversation wasn't going to be easy, and I had no idea how I was going to approach it. What would I say? What would he say?

There was no point in stressing over it right now; as the car came to a halt, I knew I would find out what we would both say.

Silence again as we walked into the condo. It was eerie how quite we were all being, but I knew as soon as I opened my mouth, something bad was going to come out.

"I'll- I mean, I'm going to go to bed" Freddie looks at the both of us with sympathy. I feel bad for him having to be in this mess.

As soon as he goes to his bedroom I make my way to the kitchen, and Auston follows. It doesn't take long before I start the conversation I'm sure we were both dreading.

"What the fuck Auston?" I ask, my voice slightly raised. "How the hell could you?" I ask, and I realize that's a loaded question with many answers. How could he sleep with Jessica and not tell me? How could he claim he has feelings for me while actively fucking her? How could he involve Fred in this?

"I- I don't have an answer for that" he says, and that answer infuriates me.

"You don't have an answer?" I ask, fuming. "You don't have an answer for why you wouldn't tell me about Jessica? For why though apparently you have feelings for me, you were fucking Jessica? For why you had to involve Freddie in all of this shit?" He looks deflated, and at a loss for words.

"I didn't mean to get Fred involved, he just happened to figure it out on his own" he sighs regretfully. "I know it wasn't fair of me to ask him not to say anything, but I didn't want you to just walk away. We were getting closer and I didn't want to lose you" he tells me, standing on the opposite side of the kitchen island. By the look on his face, I could tell he knew better than to approach me.

"You know we weren't actually dating, right? If you wanted to sleep with someone that's up to you. Honestly, I just wish you had have told me" I confess to him honestly. "I'd have no reason to be mad; you know? But all of this- Jessica showing up tonight... it makes me look like an idiot" I sigh. "I feel like a total moron"

"Wait- you're not mad that I slept with her?" He asks, looking a little disappointed. I had to tread carefully on this answer. It was true at first, I didn't feel an intense amount of anger. But the more I thought about it, the more anger and sadness that came with it. But he still thinks I found out tonight.

"I mean- I didn't think I was?" I hate how he's turning this back on me. "But the more I thought about it, the more angry it made me" I think my words are enough to convince him I hadn't been thinking about this for weeks. "And her showing up was just..." I'm not even sure how to describe it.

"I didn't think she was going to show up" he answers back, and he knows it's a weak comeback. "I didn't think any of this was going to happen" he looks remorseful as he speaks.

"That's the issue, isn't it?" I ask, heated again. "You don't think" my emotions are getting the better of me once more. "You didn't think once about my feelings, Freddie's feelings... hell, you didn't even think of Jessica's feelings" her name felt wrong coming out of my mouth. "All you thought about was what you wanted"

"No! No, that's not it at all" he tries to defend himself, but I know he's grasping at straws. "I always thought of you- I'm falling in love for you for fuck sakes" his eyes go wide when he says it, though it was already something I knew.

"See, now I have trouble believing it" I tell him, my voice quivering. I didn't realize myself how important he had become in my life. I didn't realize that maybe, after all this time, the relationship felt more real because we both wanted it to be. "You don't treat people you care about like this" I say softly. He looks like he doesn't want to discuss his feelings; and honestly at this point, neither did I.

"You were doing me a huge favour; I know I shouldn't have even been sleeping with her I just... missed sex?" It comes out as more of a question than a response. "I care about you; a lot." He makes sure to put emphasis on the word a lot.

"Then just tell me that, Aus!" I say, a little louder than intended. "You lied to me; for months. And here I was thinking we were getting closer, and thinking that hey, maybe this could be something real-,"

"Wait- are you saying, that- that you wanted it to be real too?" He asks quietly. Now it's both of our turns to be silent. Was that what I was saying?

"I- I mean, uh- yeah, I guess I did" I confess to him. At one point, I began to actually fall for him. Did I still feel that way? "But now, I mean this is a lot to digest" I tell him, and I'm sure it's words he doesn't want to hear.

"I'm sorry, Addie. I truly am. I know my actions don't reflect what I'm telling you right now, but it's the truth. I'm falling for you. More everyday. I know what we had wasn't technically real but- it began to feel like it was" he tries to approach me now, and I'm too stunned to move. It was true, I did have some feelings for him at one point; but everything changed when Freddie confessed his feelings to me. Everything became confusing from then on out.

He comes closer to me, tilting my chin up to meet his gaze. He just stayed like that for a moment, waiting for me to change my mind or say something; but I felt like I couldn't move. He must have taken this as an invitation to kiss me, because before I knew it his lips were on my, his hands cupping my face.

It felt good, actually kissing him, but it feels wrong. I pull away, and he looks concerned.

"I'm- I'm sorry but this is too much" I pull away from him, going to the other side of the island.

"Addie- wait, please" he pleads with me, but I shake my head.

"No. No. You just can't do this to me" I whisper, the tears coming down my face. I try to wipe them away as fast as I can; I feel defeated. "I can't"

"You can't what?" He asks, fearing my answer.

"I can't pretend anymore, Aus. Our arrangement is done."

"Done? But..." he trails off, but he can understand why I would do it.

"You can tell people whatever; we're better off as friends- or, or you just weren't feeling it anymore- I don't care" I say, but obviously I do care; I care a great deal.

"We'll figure this out" he says, with a lot more confidence I can tell he has. "You'll still be in my life; I'm not losing you" he adds, and I hang my head low, unsure of what to say next. This had to end; I couldn't go on pretending.

"I just- I need some time to myself for a bit" I say, and I realize it's the most cliche answer I could ever have given him. "Sorry, I know that was cliche"

"I don't want this to end" was all Auston could say, looking absolutely devastated. It took a lot of willpower; walking away from this, but I knew it was for the best.

"It can't end if it never began" I tell him, walking away from his condo and potentially from his life.