More Than Meets the Eye

Chapter Thirty-One

Addison's Point of View

The day spent with Auston went by quickly. We played Mario party for most of the day, me kicking his ass, of course.

I was happy Aubrey insisted on me having company; I don't know what I would have done alone by myself.

I find myself peering at my phone almost all day. I get disappointed every time I see there's no text from Freddie. I thought this was go unnoticed by Auston but it doesn't; he picks up on it quickly, but waits until lunch to mention anything.

"When are you going to tell him?" He asks me, and I'm confused. Tell who what? He doesn't seem upset, happy, nothing; he's wearing the same expressionless expression Freddie always wears.

"Tell who what?" I ask Auston, trying as hard as I can to think about what on earth he's talking about. It comes from out of left field, too. We just finished up another game and were waiting for the pizza to be delivered. We took the moment to put on some YouTube for background noise and take a break.

"Tell Freddie you love him" his words catch me by surprise.

"What do you-?" My eyes are wide and I stumble over my words.

"You've been looking at your phone all day, waiting for him to text you" he points to the phone in my hand which I immediately put down on the table. "It's fine, I totally get it"

"I don't" I say, my eyebrows raised. "I haven't made any sort of decision on anything regarding Freddie" I say, and I don't even convince myself of this as being the truth.

"Yes. I think you have. I think you had made up your mind a long time ago" he tells me, and I can tell he's been sitting on this thought all day. "And like I said, it's fine- I get it" he repeats, still showing no expression.

"Auston," I begin to try and form a coherent sentence, but nothing beyond his name comes out. Have I already made my decision? Was it obvious to everyone but me?

"Addie," he mocks, except he's actually able to speak. "I know you think you're doing me a favour by not telling me, but I'm telling you- it's fine" he says, and it seems genuine.

"Why is it fine?" I ask, deciding to play along. If I had indeed 'made up my mind', what changed his?

"I'm not ready to settle down. I'm not ready for a serious relationship" he says, and his words aren't a shock to me. Of course, not. If you were, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. "And I think you've known that" says a little softer.

"If you were, we never would have had our arrangement" I manage to finally speak in a full sentence. He nods, agreeing.

"Exactly. So I think you should tell Freddie how you feel" he says again. When I don't answer, he continues. "He really loves you, you know. And I love you, too. But-,"

"But not in the same way" I finish for him, closing my eyes. Oh, my god. "I couldn't move past what you did" I tell him, and he nods, knowing exactly what I'm referring to. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, and I think we've proven we can move past it friendship wise," I say, and he nods again. "But as far as being in an actual relationship with you..."

"You don't want to" it's now his turn to finish my sentence. I nod, feeling guilty for even saying it. "At first I was pissed off at you both, especially Fred" he tells me, and I'm not shocked by this. "But then when you were in the accident- I think that's what really made me realize"

"Made you realize what?"

"That his love for you is deeper, and much more than mine. I thought I was falling for you- legitimately, I didn't lie about that" he defends, and I just hang on his every word. "But I think I just loved the friendship. Having someone who cared so much for me. And the idea that Fred was going to take that- well, it pissed me off"

"And now it doesn't?" I'm on the verge of tears now. I feel bad for putting Fred through what I did, when the answer to my question was so obvious all along.

"No- because I know the relationship we have is special. The friendship" he makes sure to emphasize, "is something nobody can take away from me" his words are touching, and it finally causes a tear to slip down my cheek. I don't wipe it away, however; I let it sit as I think about what to do next.

"You're right, it's not" I say in a soft whisper. "The months we spent together- as friends- was incredible" I tell him honestly. He finally cracks a smile, letting me know that he too felt the same.

"So, you need to tell him how you feel" he reminds me, but I'm scared. "Neither of us have been fair to him in any of this" he speaks what I feared.

"We haven't been" I shake my head, laughing despite the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Please don't cry" he whispers, wiping my tears away. I close my eyes at his touch, and I realize who I want to be sitting across from me, as I feel this intense wave of sadness.

I realize who I want to be by my side through it all. Who I want to tell things to first. Who I want to see everyday.Whose smile I crave.

"I'm sorry- I just- you're amazing" I say, and I half mean it. He's amazing, minus the parts where he isn't. He just chuckles, and shakes his head, clearly disagreeing.

"I'm not. I was a total meat head, who won't ever deserve you" he says, and it's my turn to disagree.

"Yeah, you were a meat head" I can't argue there. "But when the time comes, you will deserve somebody like me" I put myself on a pedestal for a moment.

"Thanks" he says with a grin. "I'll cover for you when Aubrey gets home- Fred's home now. Go tell him" he reminds me, and I hop up from the couch.

"Alright. I can do this" I say, letting out a sniffle.

"Go get em" Auston encourages me, as I leave my apartment.

***

It doesn't take me long to get to their place, but I cry the entire way there. I can't believe how long it took me to realize my love for him. I can't believe how idiotic I feel. I know Liv disagrees with me, but it's Aubrey's words that echo in my mind. I had to make a decision I could live with. And life without Freddie? Well, I couldn't imagine it.

I talk myself up and down for a few moments before I finally get the courage to knock on his door.

"Hey" I say as soon as he opens the door. "Can we talk?" I ask, sniffling again. He nods, allowing me entrance into his condo. I come in, and turn around to immediately face him.

He looks concerned; scared, even. I'm not sure how to start the conversation; but maybe, words aren't what I want to use right now.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and I nod, feeling tears sting my eyes once more. I get closer to him, looking into his eyes, trying to gauge what he's thinking. I put my hands on his cheeks, and gently guide his lips towards mine.

He's surprised at first, but he quickly wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer into him. Our kiss deepens, and I really and truly feel happiness surge through me. Being here, in his arms, his lips on mine is where I'm belong; and it's in this moment I'm absolutely sure of it.