if i could tell her || dianetti

13

Rosa steps out of the elevator and onto the precinct floor. She looks down at her watch as she makes her way over to her desk. 8:20 AM. She'd arrived at work early, so she would have some time to herself. As she sits down at her desk, she feels her phone buzz in her back pocket.

Gina: good morning baby <3

Rosa smiles down at her phone.

Rosa: morning babe
Gina: u left early as hell this morning :(
Rosa: sorry gines, i needed to get back to my place
Gina: y cant u just get ready at mine :( i already told u i can take u to work when u stay over
Rosa: gines no
Gina: y not?
Rosa: because people will think we're dating if we show up together?
Gina: we are???
Rosa: yeah but they don't know that
Gina: whatever see u at work love u <3
Rosa: i love you too

Rosa sighs and sets her phone down. Admittedly, she would rather not wake up to leave Gina's apartment at ungodly hours like she had been since they had started dating. It'd be nice to stay in bed with Gina long enough to see the sunrise or stay at the apartment long enough to have breakfast together. But what would happen if people at the precinct started to notice them arriving at the building together? What if they figured out they were in a relationship? They'd managed to keep their secret for nearly five months, and Rosa decided no amount of sleeping in or rides to work would be worth jeopardizing that.

~

Rosa sits in the briefing room, half-listening to Captain Holt's announcements. She turns her attention to the doorway as Gina walks in and leans on the threshold. Gina smiles and winks at Rosa as she mouths 'hi.' Blushing, Rosa rolls her eyes and smiles back at her girlfriend. 

"Are there any other announcements?" Captain Holt asks the detectives. 

Jake briskly gets up from his seat and takes his wife on his arm. 

"Amy and I have an announcement," Jake declares as the couple makes their way to the front of the room. They stand beside Holt's podium, smiling widely at their colleagues.

"We're pregnant!" they exclaim simultaneously.  The room fills with congratulations and questions. 

Rosa looks again to the doorway to see Gina motioning for them to leave. In the commotion, Rosa slips out of the room unnoticed and follows Gina into the break room. 

"Let's tell them," Gina says excitedly as Rosa closes the door behind her.

"What?"

"Jake and Amy telling everyone they're pregnant was definitely a sign. We'll tell them we're dating and then we can start coming to work together and--"

"Gina..." Rosa interrupts. "I...don't wanna tell them."

Gina's expression quickly changes. "Ro, why not?"

"I don't know. I'm not ready. Besides, the squad doesn't need to be in our personal life."

"Who says they have to be? If they at least knew we were together we could end all the early mornings and the sneaking around."

"Yeah, but...what would they even think?"

"You're hot, I'm hot. What else would they think besides that we're practically made for each other? And anyway who cares? I've got you and you've got me and that's all that matters, right?"

Rosa looks away and stays silent.

"Right?" 

"Gi..." Rosa says timidly.

"Rosa, come on. You don't seriously care that much about what a bunch of idiots from our job think, do you?"

"We can't all be like you, Gi," Rosa mutters.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You don't give a shit about what anyone has to say, ever. And you don't give a shit when other people do."

"I do too give a shit!" Gina responds, raising her voice. "We're having this conversation because I give a shit!"

"No, you don't, Gi! If you gave a shit you'd respect that I'm not ready to tell them and let it go." Rosa feels her eyes start to fill with tears. 

"Maybe I don't want to 'let it go' because I care. I care about getting to tell the people we see every day how much I love my fucking girlfriend. I care that I'll be able to lay with her a little longer if she doesn't have to leave my apartment. I care that we won't have to keep all of this a secret anymore!"

Gina's voice breaks as she finishes talking and tears begin to stream down her face.

"Gines," Rosa sighs as she reaches out to take Gina into her arms.

"No," Gina sniffs. "You're so obsessed with being the Rosa that these people know that you can't be the Rosa I know, my Ro.  And until you can, I don't know if I wanna be with you." 

Gina turns silently and exits the room, leaving Rosa alone.