if i could tell her || dianetti

15

two years later

Rosa sits in a chair in the corner of the room, softly gripping a picture frame. The photo inside is of Rosa and Gina on Iggy's third birthday. Each woman holds one of the little girl's hands as she smiles widely at the camera. Gina looks forward smiling, her auburn locks cascading gently over her shoulders. Rosa's eyes are locked on Gina as she grins. Rosa smiles down at the photograph in her hands and sighs happily, basking in how incredibly lucky she felt to have built such a wonderful life with Gina over the course of the last two years. She rises from her seat and sets the frame down behind her. She takes a heaving breath before exiting the room and making her way down the hallway.

Suddenly, her vision blurs and the walls surrounding her begin to shake. Stumbling, she swiftly turns around and reenters the room as panic sets in. She slides onto the floor, breath heaving. as the walls around her continue to jolt. The sound of her own panicked voice repeats over and over in her mind. Eventually, the trembling subsides and Rosa's body calms. The woman turns her head and notices the picture frame had fallen from its place on the chair. Slowly, she picks it up and turns it over, revealing a shattered frame and a torn photo. Hot, stinging tears fill her eyes as she gently runs her fingers over the tear in the paper.

Rosa sits up in the darkness, her body drenched in sweat. She quickly turns her head and finds the picture of her, Gina, and Iggy intact on the nightstand just as she had left it. She reaches for the frame and clutches it to her chest, as quiet sobs begin to escape her lips. Instinctively, she extends a hand under the covers in search of the warmth of Gina's body, but her heart sinks as she feels the cold emptiness of the other side of the bed.

~

A few hours later, Rosa sits silently at the kitchen table of Jake and Amy's apartment. She stares blankly into the steaming mug of black coffee in front of her, her mind wrestling with faraway thoughts.

"Are you okay?" Amy asks as she sits down next to Rosa, freeing the woman from her pensive state.

"Another stupid dream," Rosa groans. "God, I miss her so much."

"I'm sorry," Amy sighs. "Have you talked to her since..."

"No," Rosa responds sharply. And I don't want to."

"How is that even possible? You work like thirty feet from each other."

"We avoid each other like exes do. We're both really good at it."

"Can't avoid each other forever..."

"Watch us."

~

Rosa sits on the edge of her bed reflecting on the last two years of her life. Though she was sure she could ignore Gina forever, did she want to? And did she want to marry her? Two months ago she was absolutely sure that she didn't, that she could never. But slowly she had been coming to the realization that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life without her either. If she was being honest, even a month without her had been hell. She hated going to bed alone in the cold sheets and waking up to the vacant space where she knew Gina should be. She missed everything about Gina; the smell of her hair, the sparkle in her gleaming blue eyes, the feeling of the woman's skin against her own. She wished for nothing more than for everything to go back to the way it was.

Rosa gets up from the bed and grabs her phone. She'd decided that she couldn't keep avoiding Gina, that she couldn't live without her any longer.

hey gina, can we talk?