Purple Eyes - J.H

Chapter 11

⚠️⚠️ - mentions and descriptions of abuse

Blair pov

"What happened to your mom?" My heart stopped when he asked that question.

Truth is, what I told him at the hospital was a lie. While she did die at the hands of my father, it wasn't because she tried to leave. It was because she birthed a female second child instead of a boy, like he wanted.

I remember that day vividly. The images like to show up every time I close my eyes. I was only twelve.

Flash back

I was 12 years old and had just started my first period. I was scared and went straight to my mum. She took me to the store to buy pads because she didn't want me using tampons straight off the bat.

When father found out she had used his card to buy feminine products for me; the daughter he didn't want. He took his anger out in her.

He tied her to a chair and beat her to a pulp. We were in the kitchen that only had one exit. He forced me to watch since he had me cornered. I wasn't going to even attempt to walk past him and leave.

When he was done, he picked her up by her hair and dragged her to the top of the stairs. She had already passed out from the pain, so when he attempted to stand her up straight, and let go, her limp body fell down the stairs, snapping her neck as soon as she came into contact with the floor.

I watched as he dragged her body of the door.

Flash back over

He had paid for a cremation and had her a headstone made to make out like he gave half a shot about her. It's often that I'll sit there and apologise to her.

At this point I had forgotten Jaden was there and let out a small sob.

"It's my fault." I said staring blankly at the wall.

Ah, this is the feeling I've missed. Nothing. Numb...? You could say. Welcome back my old friend.

Only problem when he is around, I tend to spill my guts to anyone and everyone who will listen to me.

Yes I give my emotions genders, fucking sue me.

"What your fault?" He asked.

"I'm the reason she's dead." I say with no readable emotion residing on my face.

"I'm sure that's not true in the slightest." He responds.

"Oh, I assure you, it is. You see it's because of what's in between my legs is the reason my dad despises me so. He always wanted to sons, never wanted a daughter. But of course, here I come, along with a female anatomy. And who did he take that out on? My mum. When I got my first period and she used his card to buy me pads, who did he beat to a bloody pulp whilst I was forced to watch? My mum. Who did he drag to the top of the stairs in a fit of rage? My mum. Who fell unconscious due to the unbearable pain and fell down the stairs once he let go, snapping her neck as soon as she hit the floor? My mum. And whose fault was it? Mine, all fucking mine. And who has to live with that guilt everyday, knowing that she could be living her life but isn't? You fucking guessed it, fucking me." I exclaimed through gritted teeth. I was becoming increasingly angered with myself dredging up the past.

"So there is no way in fucking hell or earth that I am going to let you take the blame for that story. It is in no way that your biological dna didn't develop a Y chromosome. It is in no way your fault that your female anatomy allows you to experience that. And it is no way your fucking fault that he is a piece of shit who deserve to rot in hell for what he did. He handed himself the knife and used it at his own free will. No one convinced him to do it but his own twisted and sick thoughts. Do you hear me? It isn't your fault. Never was, never is and never fucking will be."

Something about the things he said about my dad just doesn't sit right with me. While he is completely right with everything he said, a very small part of me still sees my dad as the king I grew up with, and me as his little princess. Granted he still never wanted a daughter, he still treated me with so much love and care, like I was the only thing in the world to him.

The abuse didn't start until we moved when I was 8, so I still have millions of happy memories with him. If we didn't fucking move then maybe everything would be okay.

"I just want my daddy back Jae. I want to be that five year old again, whose cuddled up on the sofa at 4pm with a chip butte and watching peppa pig with her daddy. My king with me as his princess. He's hiding. Why is he hiding from me Jae?" Instant breakdown. And pain is back. Whoopdi fucking doo.

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A/N - 👁👄👁. Also for anyone who might not know,,, a chip butte is basically a sand which with fries in but not the skinny ones from McDonald's, like chunky ones. Do you get what I mean? We call them chips in England so yeh 👁👅👁