To Follow you or To Lose you

Chapter 11: Against my mind, against my Dinah, with Camila.

When I woke up the next morning Camila was still sleeping next to me. I had to check it five more times before I realized it was really about her and not any conquest of a crazy Saturday night.

Because she felt so much better than any Saturday night conquest.

Her arms surrounded my waist and her head rested on my chest. I felt her breath in my neck, her heartbeat against my skin and a tingling in my stomach that, being at her side, never left.

She looked so peaceful in my arms that I couldn't help but admire her. Her hair covered half of her face, a small smile occupied her pink lips and the peace that covered her was almost palpable.

She was beautiful, and I know that because my head repeated this compliment to her seventy-two times before her voice interrupted me.

"Why can't you be in my dreams too?"

I didn't expect that question. Nor did the tears that came a little later.

When I felt her cold tears on the skin of my neck I was so bewildered that I had to walk away.

I saw her so fragile that even I felt the need to cry.

"Did you have a nightmare?" That was the first thing I asked. Her tears didn't go away, so I felt compelled to stop them. I didn't want to see her like this after the day before. I just wanted to make her happy.

"No. It was a good dream" She refused. Her hoarse voice due to sleep and sadness in her words were not a good combination in my mind, so I hugged her, seeking in this way some order for her.

"And why do you cry... cry... cry...?" I repeated the word six times, and at no time did she stop her crying.

"It wasn't real" She answered.

And there was no need for anything else. I didn't continue to speak nor did I ask her to explain to me what happened in her own paradise. I simply consoled her, for that was what she seemed to need.

When her tears stopped, she thanked me with ten kisses, her favorite number of the day. I gave her six, because I needed to give them back somehow.

"I don't want him in my dreams, Lauren. I want you" When she said it she was much calmer, maybe too much. Her gaze was focused on my fingers, with which she had begun to play.

I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy in my chest, for I wasn't in her dreams. He was, and I didn't know who he was.

"Who is he?"

But she didn't answer.

The pain on her face told me she wasn't ready to answer that question, so I didn't insist. I knew she would tell me when she was ready.

"Can we get out of here? I gotta say hi to the rock and the birds and Mani. Lauren too, because he still can't see the sun and doesn't know when to wake up."

I laughed at her, but not because of her words but because of her sudden change of mood. Camila Cabello was one of those people who couldn't stay sad for more than a couple of seconds.

Maybe that was one of the reasons I was in love with her.

She finished dressing before I even started. She said she would greet her friends and then invite me to breakfast, which I accepted.

"By the way" She told me before she left when she slipped her head through the entrance of the tent. I didn't try to cover my naked body, as she had already seen everything. "Thank you for loving me yesterday, Lauren. No one had ever done it before."

And she left, leaving me with a huge smile on my face and a restless heart.

I was 23, but Camila made me feel like a stupid teenager. Suddenly oxygen wasn't just that, but a faint memory of her scent. The clouds drew her profile, the sparrows left messages for her, and that old house was a princess' refuge.