To Follow you or To Lose you

Epilogue: Two years later.

I liked to have a completely controlled life. I hated the unexpected, the unnecessary changes, the unplanned days. Chance was my worst enemy, and the numbers inside my head had become the only ones who could understand me.

However, when Camila came into my life, I realized that I could forget the amounts for a few moments, because when I wanted to return to them, they would still be there.

Camila had taught me to see the countless side of life.

When she left, I didn't lose that ability. Actually, it started to strengthen.

I had sold my apartment for one two floors down. I didn't check my lock six times before I left home, because I knew three would be enough. Nor did I return to check if I had forgotten anything. I no longer ran to the Body Rock Café and even stopped to greet the birds. When I walked into the cafe, I did it just once, and I waved to Ally as much as she wanted.

Suddenly my life was based on numbers that could vary.

"No sign of her?" asked Adam, who was now 15 years old and no longer so madly obsessed with my boss. He was the only one of all the people I knew, including myself, who believed that Camila could come back.

"You know I've been looking for her for the past two years, Adam. There's no sign and there will be."

It was true, of course.

I tried to find her with all the means I knew, but she seemed to have vanished. Camila was like a good dream that had ended too soon, like a butterfly lost in the sky, like the sun hiding behind the mountains just to appear elsewhere on the planet.

I had even tried to contact Camila's mother to find out a little about her whereabouts, but she knew less than I did. It wasn't like she cared either.

"I guess you and Camila are destined to end up the same way I did with Ally."

"How? How? How?" I asked the question seven times, because that was her favorite number.

"Being too good to come true."

And Adam was right, because Camila was more than anyone would've expected, and better than anyone would have deserved.

"And how are you happy with that?"

"Have you seen her smile when she's with Matthew?"

Maybe my boss's relationship with the music teacher was more serious than I thought, and at the time they were preparing their wedding. I was invited six times, because Ally knew how much I loved that number.

"I'm happy knowing she is, so you should think the same."

But even if I tried, I couldn't do it.

My situation was different from Adam's, but I didn't want to tell him. He never had a chance with Ally. I, on the other hand, had wasted mine by being too much of an idiot.

I thought of her six times when I woke up and before I went to bed. That was the only routine that remained unchanged in my life.

I was wondering if she was healthy, if she was happy, if she'd found someone else.

I wondered if the sparrows still spoke to her, if the rocks wished her a good day, if the ghosts kept appearing in sudden places and if she kept thinking about who she once called Mrs. Luna.

I was wondering what her favorite number of the day was.

I had written two books that year, the last one called "From the Moon to the Sun". In none of them did I speak of us, for I never believed that love could be sold, but both dedications were to her.