To Follow you or To Lose you

Chapter 15: Losing her.

That same night I got a call. Normani's picture next to cute little Ethan was on the screen of my mobile device, but something inside of me knew it wasn't her voice that would speak to me when I answered.

Still, I brought the device into my ear three times before accepting the call.

Something in my mind told me I had to.

"Mrs. Luna?" It was the first thing I heard say the voice on the other side of the line. Of course it was Camila.

It broke my heart to hear her sobs, so I had to work hard not to leave my apartment and run to hug her until my body merged with hers.

Things weren't right between us, and if she wanted our fights to be solved with tears, it would end terribly badly. I knew it. I had read that advice 12 times in a row on the internet.

"Yes?"

"Is it really you?" I could imagine her smile across the line, and I imagined she looked beautiful doing it even with wet cheeks. I held back so I wouldn't imitate her. I didn't want to look weak, even if she didn't see me at the time "I've been trying to call you since you left, but everyone who answered said it wasn't you. Then Normani came to tell me that I couldn't just randomly press the numbers because that's not how these things work, and she helped me contact you."

I couldn't help but feel some tenderness when I heard her words.

Camila Cabello, who hated all kinds of technology and didn't understand even the most basic commands, had tried to contact me even not knowing how to do it.

I admit, I was very much in love with her, and it was details as small as these that made me realize how lost I was.

Still, I stood my ground and counted to ten trying not to budge.

"I know you're busy writing your book, but I really need to talk to you and..."

"Talk to me, Camila."

The truth is that even my need to write ten pages a day didn't allow me to touch my laptop, because the only thing on my mind was Camila and the possibility that she would leave me at any moment.

That day my fictional worlds were forgotten by a reality I hated with all my being.

"I love you, Lauren. I love you so much."

I tried not to give in, I swear I tried, but I was too weak for her. With those simple six words, I realized I couldn't get angry just because life was making me choose between following her or losing her.

She was a dragon with a desire to know a world that, without realizing it, was burning in its path.

I couldn't stop her, but her love was burning me, and the worst thing about it was that I seemed to like getting hurt.

"And I love you very much, too, Camz.

Hearing her slight giggle behind the line was enough to make me realize that I was lost enough to ignore my sufferings.

"I've cried for you all afternoon" She told me without further ado, but she wasn't reproaching anything. Camila just wanted me to know "...I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to lose my dreams either."

"I'm sorry it's so difficult."

"I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because when it gets harder between us, I start to love you more."

Now it was my turn to laugh.

"Since I arrived, I have been thinking" She said softly, and something in her tone of voice sounded broken but relieved "...We can't try for each other, Lauren. That way we just hold grudges. If we're going to try, it has to be for ourselves."