𝒴💍𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 | Sakuatsu

∆•Chapter~Fourty-seven•∆

Oikawa Tooru's POV

Iwa-chan and I have gone on a few dates yet neither of us have made it official. Sure, I'm interested in him, yet I wan't him to be the one to ask.

I've always been a flirty person but only girls seemed to take interest in me, and the only guys that did, I couldn't focus on them. I had a hard time prioritizing them or even finding them interesting to me. I always loved the idea of romance but could never find the right person to me. I wanted a romance that wouldn't be a strain on me.

I figured out I was gay by a long process. I didn't only discover my sexuality, I discovered myself. In grade school and 1st year, I hated myself. I wasn't the cocky and happy person I was now. Growing up, I was always so average. Average personality, average skills, average home life,  average everything. I was never the type of person to just be everybody's friend. I was always just another person in the crowd. Nothing special.

I would be an after thought. I wouldn't be on anybody's mind if they had to think of students, good friends, or love interests. I was just there, living for no purpose. I envied those with style and personality. I envied those who were unique. 

The summer between 1st year and 2nd year, I decided to discover myself. I took all my interests and explored more on them. I knew I was always passionate about space, so I read books, drew pictures, got posters. I designed, and designed, and designed my room until I found something I liked. After I was happy with where I slept and spent my time, I decided to explore fashion. I grew to love clothing, I always knew Atsumu was interested in clothes but never thought about it myself. I discovered such a unique style that I loved. I worked my ass off and spent every last yen paying for them. The confidence I got boosted my personality slightly.

I wanted to gain the confidence to just be myself. I realized I was gay during my whole development. I knew I never took interest in girls, yet I didn't think I was gay. I guess I finally excepted it and now I'm proud to be.

I grew to love myself over that summer. Which blossomed my forwardness and cockiness. I let myself do whatever my heart told me. I gained more friends and attention by just being myself. After all the years of thinking I was a nobody, I finally belonged somewhere.

At the beginning of this year, my third year, the twins and I transferred schools. The Miya's mom's death crushed me. She was family to me. It was hard on all of us, a lot of tears were shed. What made it hard on me, was I didn't know it was coming. Both of them knew her sickness but they never had the heart to tell me. I absolutely shattered when she passed.

Although she did spend extra days with me before she grew too sick. Those had to be a few of the best days of my life. She even wrote me a letter, telling me to take care of her boys before she passed. I still have the letter. Sometimes even now I shed a few tears thinking about her.

Although that's besides the point. I grew to love myself. I loved my life and my friends.

Now I'm just living in the moment. I plan to work towards being a JAXA astronaut. I need to see the stars before I go to the light. That's my wish. I like science anyway, so the courses I'll have to take won't be so hard.

It was a Friday evening when I stayed at Iwaizumi's house. We would sleep at his house Friday nights, since I couldn't stay anywhere on school days.

Although this time we were going somewhere this evening. My eyes lit up when our hour long drive ended up leaving us at a planetarium. Since I had to work to buy my own car, and my parents didn't take me places often, I'd never been to one. So I was bouncing on my toes, face shining in joy.

I jumped happily on Iwaizumi before kissing his lips softly. Sure we'd been on dates, but we didn't kiss often. Plus I was definitely not the one to initiate it. I have always been clingy but with Iwa-chan I grew too shy. Which was very unlike me. Around him I grew extremely flustered. He was the one person I let myself feel vulnerable around.