Life Without You

chapter 9

After eating breakfast Izzie and George went back to the hospital. Meredith laid down on the couch and watched a movie with Mia. She loved Mia and she was glad that now she at least got to spend some time with her. Mia had fallen asleep halfway into the second movie so Meredith let her sleep on the couch and she got up to make herself a sandwich. Before she could open the bread she heard a knock at the door.

She opened it and saw Derek standing there with a pink box of donuts.

"Hey, I thought I'd bring you some donuts if you haven't eaten yet." Derek said as Meredith unlocked the door and let him inside

"Umm... thanks. We had breakfast already but be quiet Mia's asleep" Meredith whispered as Derek set the box on the table and nodded.

"I thought you had surgery?" Meredith asked as she followed him into the kitchen

"Yeah I did but the family decided not to. They thought it was too risky." Derek told her as he leaned against the kitchen counter

"Oh, that's understandable I guess"

"This is the longest conversation we've had in a couple years." Derek chuckled

"Yeah, it is." Meredith sighed as she walked to grab a blanket for Mia.

"Before you kick me out I just wanted to tell you that I'm here if you ever need anything. Like someone to take care of Mia or a ride or anything. I owe you at least that." Derek said as he watched Meredith walk away

"Thanks" Meredith said as she stopped and listened to what he said.

He seemed sincere and genuine so she didn't want to snap at him or tell him she was fine. So instead the said 'thanks'.

She unfolded the blanket and gently placed it on top of Mia. She loved her daughter more than anything and she couldn't imagine her life without her, Mia saved her being alone and being sad. She walked back over to the kitchen and started putting some dishes away.

She could feel Derek watching her but she didn't seem to mind, she continued to sort through the clean and dirty dishes as he walked over to her.

"Look Meredith I... I know you still can't forgive me for what I did and I don't blame you at all. Your guard is still up because the last time you were here I lied to you and I destroyed what we had. Sometimes I just wish that I had told you the truth and I wish that I realized what I had when we were together. I'd go back to that day if I could and I'd do it all so differently. I'd go back in time and change it all, but I can't so instead I'm apologizing. I'm sorry Mer, I'm so sorry." Derek said as he moved closer to her as she turned to look at him and they locked eyes for a couple seconds which felt like hours.

They stood there admiring each other's presences and sharing their thoughts through their eyes. Derek tilted his head and moved closer to her. He looked back and forth between her eyes and her lips as he moved closer and closer until he could almost feel her lips against his. Before anything could happen Derek's pager beeped.

Meredith looked away and realized what she had almost done and stood there as Derek answered his page and walked out. Derek couldn't stop smiling when he thought about what had just happened. He knew he was close to earning Meredith's forgiveness and that was all he wanted. He just wanted to be able to hold her again and be with her, nothing else seemed to matter but that.

He drove back to the hospital and scrubbed back in, the patient that was worried about surgery had agreed to do it today. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened moments before and smiling.

Meredith took a deep breath as she thought about what he had said, she was still unsure about believing him but she really wanted to believe what he had just said. She knew he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it and he did really want to be forgiven. She ran her hand through her hair as she closed her eyes and kept thinking about it all.