Life Without You

chapter 7

Before I start the chapter I wanted to let you guys know that my wifi recently went out and it hasn't come back so I've been editing and writing chapters offline and posting them when I go out and have wifi. Thank you all so much for reading it means a lot!

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Derek walked into the attending's lounge and sat down on the couch. He knew Meredith was right, he knew that it was his fault and no one was to blame but him. He had to show her that he had changed and that he wasn't the same. He knew she had changed since she left but he stayed the same, he didn't change. Time didn't move or fly like people told him it would, he felt paralyzed by it. He felt like no matter what he did he was still the same person he was when Meredith left.

He had to make things right, he needed to change. He noticed it was now almost midnight so he changed into his street clothes. He walked out with his bag and headed towards the lobby, he walked into the elevator and saw that Cristina was in there as well.

He pressed the first floor button and moved to the back of the elevator.

"Have you talked to Meredith?" Cristina asked without turning around

"Why is everyone asking me that?" Derek asked as he threw his hands up

"I don't know, maybe because you're still in love with her and she doesn't even know?" Cristina sarcastically answered

"Just a guess." Cristina whispered

"I tried talking to her, she hates me."

"Obviously she's gonna hate you, you left her for Addison then you couldn't be with Addison because you wanted to be with Meredith. You're an idiot." Cristina laughed as she said the last part

"I'm your boss-"

"You're still an idiot." Cristina cut him off as she walked out.

Derek scoffed and went home, he walked into his trailer and sat down at his table and threw his keys on the floor. He practiced what he was going to say to Meredith over and over. He knew what he wanted to tell her but he just didn't know how.

Meredith was able to start walking, she was only able to walk to the restroom and around her room. George, Izzie, Alex, and Cristina would have lunch in Meredith's room with her. It's like they were still interns and Meredith had never left. Except that fact that Meredith now had a two year old daughter who was being taken care of in daycare.

"Oh, and the guy that Addison cheated with is Mark Sloan. He's the head of plastics now." Izzie gossiped to Meredith

"Wait what?" Meredith laughed

"Yeah, he's hot" Cristina whispered as Izzie choked on her food purposely

"So when do you get back to Boston?" George asked as he ate a carrot

"I don't know, as soon as I'm discharged." Meredith sighed

"You're room's still empty." Izzie mentioned

"I don't know, Seattle's full of bad luck for me I guess."

"How?" Alex asked

"Seattle's where my mom had an affair with Richard, then I came back for my residency and Derek happened, then I come back for one day and look where I'm at."

"And Boston's so much better?" Cristina mocked

"Yeah, actually the attendings actually acknowledge the residents and interns. I scrub in on more surgeries in one day there than I would a week here."

"Maybe I should move to Boston. Sloan treats me like crap." Alex said as he drank his soda

"Sloan only does that because you slept with Addison." Izzie laughed as she slurped her drink

Before Alex could defend himself they all got paged. Meredith was alone in her room now watching TV. She saw nurses pass by and patients move but it felt like time was moving ten times slower than normal. Regan wasn't answering her calls or her texts so she just kept calling until Regan picked up.

"Regan where the hell are you?"

"Something came up from work and I-I had to go."

"Are you serious? How am I supposed to do anything without you here? When will you be back at least?"

"I um... I'm sorry Mer."

"What did you do?"

"I sold the apartment"

"You what?! How?! Why?!"

"I needed money Mer i'm sorry. I gotta go"

"Regan are you serious?!" Meredith yelled into her phone.

Now Meredith was stuck, she didn't have a place in Boston to stay at. She still had her job but she didn't have a house. Almost on time Derek walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Meredith can we-"

"Derek I really don't need this right now."Meredith sighed

"I need to tell you something, and I can't tell you this if you won't listen. Okay?" Derek asked as he looked into Meredith's green eyes.

Meredith looked up and met his bright blue eyes with hers. She could see the sadness and the sincerity in his eyes so she let him continue.

"Okay" Meredith sighed

"I'm still in love with you." Derek sighed as he tilted his head

"Wow okay, you're just getting straight to the point."

"There's no other way to say it. I love you Meredith Grey. I haven't stopped being in loving you since I met you, I don't think I can, and I don't want to. I'm here now, I'm standing in front of you and I'm telling you how I feel. I know I hurt you and it's not easy to forgive me, but this is me putting my pride aside and saying i'm sorry for it all. I'm sorry"

"You can't just walk in here and say you're sorry and expect it to all just disappear. You broke me, you seriously broke who I was and I left. You never called, you never messaged, you never did anything to tell me you were sorry. I really want to believe that you are sorry but I just can't, not when you haven't proved it or even tried until now. I don't know if I can trust you again."

"So I'll wait. I'll wait for you until you're ready to forgive me. I'm going to prove that I'm sorry, I'm gonna prove I can change and I have. I'd go back back to that night and change it all, but I can't. If I could I'd be there right now changing my own mind. I can't change the past, but i'm gonna try." Derek said as he walked out.

"Just think about it." He said as he closed the door

Meredith held her face in her hands and then sighed. She could tell that he meant what he said but she didn't believe him. He waited until Meredith came to him for him to actually apologize or say something. She didn't know whether she believed him just yet.