There's no remedy, for memory, your face is like a melody, it won't leave my head.
-Dark Paradise, Lana Del Rey
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Chapter 16
I wiped that last rogue tears off my cheeks and tried to control my heart beat as I stared at Josh.
"No."
The word left my mouth quickly in a tone that was foreign to me. I sounded cold. Harsh.
Josh stared at me questioningly, almost as if he wanted to read my thoughts.
"I can tell why he likes you," he finally said, taking me back by surprise.
"What are you talking about?"
"Zachary. He's head over heels for you. I can see why he's dating you," he said calmly, but there was a strange look in his eye.
"We're not dating."
"Then I can see why he wants to," he answered.
I shook my head in disbelief.
"He's head over heels for you, " he repeated, sounding so sure, but I knew it wasn't.
If Zachary really did like me, he wouldn't be hurting me this way. He wouldn't be making me choose. If he truly had feelings for me, he'd be here...with me. But he's not and doesn't.
"That's not true," I finally said.
"Have you asked him?"
I nodded, remembering earlier today when I had yelled at him about it. That seemed so long ago though, and it had only been a couple of hours. The realization was painful because a couple hours ago he was still part of my life.
"And?"
"He said he didn't. He's over me," I answered, and I began to feel sick. All this probing from Josh was not making me feel better. In fact, it was making me feel worse.
"He lied," Josh said, and I wanted to laugh at how sure he sounded, except for the fact that I felt the panic attack and my lunch returning to the surface.
"Why are you so insistant on shipping Zachary and me together after what almost happened in the living room?" I snapped, and his mouth fell open at my forwardness. In all honesty, I was surprised too, but the threat of falling into another panic attack had me on the edge.
"I don't know," he said so softly it was almost a whisper.
His confusion was so evident, that it had my heart wrenching. All his self-doubt was shown in his face and he was wearing his feelings on his sleeve.
"I guess, I'm just confused. I mean, you're a great girl and all, and I'm really sorry for dragging you into my mess. Especially, for causing you so much trouble, but I just don't know," he said, and my heart warmed at the knowledge that he thought I was a 'great girl'.
"Why did you kiss me?"
"I don't know, and I'm sorry I can't offer you a better explanation. I know it wasn't fair to do that to you, to use you that way. Maybe it was the fact that she left me or maybe it was because I'm slightly attracted to you, but whatever the reason is its not good enough to make up for the damage I have caused you."
My mind didn't know what part of his confession to focus on. One part of me noticed how he hadn't spoken Maria's name, and had referred to her as 'she' as if the name was too painful to say. The other part of me was still stuck on the part where he had called me attractive. Fortunately, the first part of me was more dominant.
YOU ARE READING
Look My Way
Romance"There's no other for me," he said, and took my face in my hands. Before I knew it, he was kissing me and I was kissing him back. That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had never been kissed before. I had been saving myself for the boy I tru...
