Look My Way

Chapter 18: A Finger In The Air

Now we got problems,
And I don't think we can solve them,
You made a really deep cut
And, baby, now we got bad blood

-Bad Blood, Taylor Swift

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His hand was my anchor. Just the touch, sent a million emotions coursing through me. With it, the world around me disappeared.
As he held it, the stares and whispers that erupted the moment we stepped out of the his car were not important.
After all, I had already known this was coming when I accepted to be part of this plan.
Yet, it felt so real as the palm of his hand pressed against mine and our steps began to go in perfect sync. It was almost as if we were together.
I felt him lean down in between the base of my neck and my ear, and I felt my heart beat quickened.
"You're doing great," he said and his words comforted me and sent a sent a chill down my spine.
Then, he continued, sending me crushing down to earth from cloud nine, "Everyone's believing us. This plan might actually work."
And he was right. The plan had been working. Even I had started to believe it and that was my mistake.My job was not to make things real. It was to make things seem real. Because of this, I smiled brightly at Josh's words, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing.
We walked the halls together with our fingers interlocked, sneaking glances at each other like lovers we were pretending to be.
Throughout our walk, three things became constant variables. One, the illusion of a smile never left my face as I played my role. Two, the stares of people never left our back as we passed them. Three, our joined hands never separated.
I began to wonder if I could actually doing this...pretending. Could I really handle the stares, the deception, and the threat that I might lose my heart in the process?
Was I even strong enough for this?
Suddenly, I felt Josh stop and let go of my hand, and I instantly felt lost without his touch. I needed it. But as soon as it was gone, it was back...but in a different place.
His hand rested in my back as he began to make small, gentle circles.
"Relax," he whispered into my ear, and I shuddered at both his touch and his proximity.
When I looked up, I caught his stare and something in his eyes made my knees weak. He looked like he actually cared that I was nervous and that was the worst part.
Him caring for me was the worst thing he could do. I needed him to treat me like I was just someone he was using. That way I didn't forget my role was just a role.
Yet, as he massaged circles into my back it was so easy to forget. The feeling consumed my thoughts to the point I didn't realize we had stopped walking.
"We're here," Josh said, and, sure enough, we stood in front my economics class.
Inside, the class was filled with students despite the fact that the bell didn't ring for another twenty minutes. They all even had their desks suspiciously aligned to the way they could see the door at some angle. It would have been humorous if I hadn't been the one it was directed to.
"So...," we both said and started laughing.
I realized this was the first time Josh laughed or genuinely smiled since Maria broke up with him. Knowing that the cause of this was our plan, assured me that it was what we had to do. I wanted him to be happy.
"So..." Josh started again, dropping his hand from my back to my hand.
"What now?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused to what he was referring to.
"I mean, is there a goodbye kiss and a see you later?" he asked, taking me by surprise.
"I-um-I wouldn't know. Maybe if we want to make it believable but we don't have to just- um- do that yet," I said, and I felt my whole face heat up and turn red.
"You're right," Josh said and something in me fell, and he continued, "But I want to."
Before I had time to process his words, he was leaning, and almost instantaneously my eyes closed, waiting for his touch...
Then I felt it.
His lips.... On my cheek.
I was both ecstatic and disappointed. Both on cloud nine and falling from it at the same time.
Suddenly, a voice broke the moment and I only felt shame.
"Move out of the way, will ya? You're blocking the doorway and I want to get to the trashcan so I can vomit at the sight of you two."
I jumped out of Josh's embrace. His touch burned me in the presence of the person in front of us.
"Zach..." I managed to get out and didn't care how weak I sounded. I wanted my best friend back.
Zachary stood in front of me and my heart cried out for him. He was wearing his favorite black hoodie and matching black jeans, and some part of me knew how appropriate his outfit was to how he was treating me.
His blue eyes stared through me like if I wasn't there, and the coldness of his stare pained me. Not once, in all the time I had known him had he looked at me with anything but kindness. Now, the playful Zachary I knew was gone, replaced with a stranger who wanted nothing to do with me.
In desperation, I reached out towards him, longing for us to be okay.
He quickly took a step back. "What do you think you're doing?" he snapped at me and I could see disgust in his eyes. "I asked you to move away not to get closer to me. I don't want you anywhere near me," he said angrily and every word cut me deeper.
"Zachary...," I let out.
What was wrong with me? I wanted to tell him that I was sorry. That I never meant to hurt him and that the thing I wanted the most was to be his best friend again. I wanted to ask him why he reacted so badly and that whatever the reason was that we could get through it.
But no matter how much I wanted to, nothing came out as I opened my mouth. Instead, I only felt the suffocation in my chest and I felt like I was choking.
"What makes you think you can talk to her like that?" Josh said, and I could feel his anger radiating from him. From both of them actually.
"Well I'd actually like not to talk to her or you, Pretty Boy, but you guys don't seem to understand the concept of moving out of the way" Zach retorted.
"I told you not to call me that," Josh snapped, taking a step towards Zach. I quickly put my hand in his shoulder to prevent him from going any further. I didn't want this to escalate.
Then, I saw Zachary's eyes towards my hand on Josh's shoulder. Pain and hurt flickered in his eyes for a second before it was gone and the cold, indifferent stare returned.
"I don't really care what you want. Now move," Zachary snapped back.
"You know something," Josh started, stepping towards Zachary, "I don't really care what you want either."
Then, he did the worst thing he could've possibly done...
He shoved Zachary sending him tumbling a couple of steps back before he caught his balance.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Pretty Boy? Your face might not be so pretty afterwards," Zachary taunted as he took a swing at Josh, who dodged it at the last minute.
"You don't know anything about people like me!" Josh yelled, swinging at Zachary, who moved away a little to late and got hit in right arm. He winced but prepared himself to swing again.
"Enough!" I yelled, finally finding my voice with everything that was going on.
"Stop acting like a couple of me Neanderthals and act like rational human beings!" I yelled, catching the attention of the two people I was yelling at and the members of the classroom that hadn't already been aware of the brawl that was taking place.
"Josh, leave and I'll see you after class! And, you, Zach! I need to have a word with you!" I let out exasperated. It felt like I was getting after my own set of misbehaving boys.
"Okay," Josh said, and left quietly, but not before giving a hateful glare to Zach and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
My heart raced with his kiss, but not because of him but because of fear of how Zachary would react.
He didn't react though. His face remained painfully emotionless as he walked past me.
"Zach! We need to talk!" I called out to him as I followed him inside the classroom.
Immediately, I was faced with twenty pairs of eyes who were focused on me.
"Zach!" I yelled out again.
"I don't care," he simply said as he took the seat on the farthest end of the classroom, which also happened to be in the opposite side of where I usually sat.
I opened my mouth, only to be cut off by a loud, optimistic voice.
"Gooooodmorning, class!! It seems everyone's excited to learn today since everyone's already here!!" Mr. Rhoedes yelled out.
If only he knew why everyone really was here...
"Now everyone let's take a seat and welcome our new classmate Zachary!! He got transferred from my third period class to this one and will be with us until the end of the year!" Mr. Rhoedes said enthusiastically oblivious.
At least that explained why Zachary was even here. This hadn't been his original first period class. But now he was here and he would be here for the rest of the year.

The realization made my heart yearn for him. After all, he felt so close but so far.

"Now, Mr. Zachary would you like to say anything to your new classmates about yourself?" Mr. Rhoedes said, addressing the boy who was currently hurting me.
Zachary paid the teacher no mind, choosing to keep his head down on the desk.

"Welllllll, Mr. Zachary? Do you have anything to say?"

Apparently, Zach did have something to say that could not be said through words. Instead, he looked up, challenging every member in the classmate with his cold, blue eyes and lifted one finger in the air for all to see before he put his head down again to ignore the world.

The last pair of eyes he looked at though we're mine. Yet, they did not have hate. They only held pain.

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Okay, hello there! I first want to apologize for the long wait. This chapter was actually finished a month ago but it was accidentally erased and I felt no inspiration to write it again, until a week ago when a handful of you beautiful people started voting, commenting, and adding this bold to your reading list. I want to thank all of you because you inspired me.

This chapter originally did not have the small brawl but it kinda happened the second time I wrote. So what did you guys think?
Are you guys upset Cassie stopped them?
I mean she kinda had to, I didn't want my little babies get hurt just yet.

Anyways I want to thank you all! You guys are the best.

-M