Look My Way

Chapter 2: Angel

But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man. These nights never seem to go to plan. I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?

-Stay With Me, Sam Smith

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Chapter 2

Josh P.O.V

Sleep hated me. It had completely deserted me. For an hour and a half, I had been tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. I pulled my phone again and stared at the last text messages Maria and I had sent. We had been texting for half an our before she stopped. She must have fallen asleep.

Maria

I smiled. Maria had the worst text grammar ever. It was as if the spell check on her phone refused to work, but sometimes I wondered if she did it on purpose. I continued to read.

Me: I know but I cant.

Maria

Me: I don't know. I just can't. I'm wide awake.

Maria

I rolled my eyes again. That was so like Maria to be quoting a Katy Perry song. That girl could think of any phrase you said into a lyric. I continued reading, but there was nothing left to read. Maria had chosen that moment to fall asleep. My thumbs twitched involuntarily as the idea of texting her came to me.

Should I text her? I didn't want wake her up but I was so bored, and I couldn't go to sleep. I closed my eyes and darkness stared right back but refused to consume me. Why was I having such a hard time falling asleep?

I threw my phone down the bed. Let Maria have her beauty sleep, I thought. I wasn't selfish enough to wake her up just because I couldn't sleep. I wondered what she was dreaming about right now. Was she dreaming about me?

What was Cassie dreaming about?

The thought popped out of nowhere and it took me back. One moment I was thinking about Maria and the next Cassie was in my head. It was weird, especially considering I never really talked to her. Our little interaction were merely us fooling around.

I stood up from my bed, desperately needing to drink a glass of milk. Maybe that could make me sleep. Because that's what I really needed.

I sneaked past my parents' room, careful not to wake them, and past my Lindsey's being extra careful. Lindsey was my five month old sister, who was the second love of my life. She was beautiful with dark curly hair and blue eyes. I tried to help out with her and I was determined that the first word she said would be Joshie.

In the kitchen, I started thinking again, while I drank my milk. Her eyes. That's what burned through my mind. They had been so round like a child, but they had looked so hurt, and I knew someone had done something to hurt her.

At first, I hadn't been sure about that. I had been too into Maria to notice, but when I saw her crying in the arms of her friend, Lucy, I knew something was up. But what worried me was why I was so concerned whether or not Cassie was okay. It was not like I had ever considered her as a friend, and certainly I didn't like-like her, but I was actually worried. I guess I didn't think of her as a friend until now.

That's what she needed. She needed a friend. I had seen her a couple of times with other people but when the time came only Lucy staid. Lucy was fine and all but how could one friend replace a whole social network of friends. Well, two friends were better than one right?

Tomorrow I would convince Maria to sit with them. We would sit with them and be friends. I was one hundred percent positive Maria wouldn't have a problem with that. Why would she? Maria was one of the kindest, unselfish, and friendliest person I knew. She would love for us to sit with her and Lucy. Problem solved.

I put my glass in the sink and put the carton of milk away, feeling pretty good about myself. Plus, I was already feeling pretty sleepy now. I sneaked back into my room, and threw myself in my bed. Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate. I felt around the covers looking for it frantically. There was a text message sent when I found it.

Maria: Srry. I fell aslp. Nite babe.

I sent her text back.

Me: Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

After I sent it, I slowly felt sleep take over me, but I couldn't help thing about Maria and how sweet she was to apologize for something she had no control over like falling asleep. I probably fell asleep smiling.

Josh P.O.V

I was crying. I, the great quarterback of the Antonio High School, was crying. Tears flowed easily from my eyes and I felt like I was nothing, I had down graded to tears and choked sobs.

I felt so alone and empty. I was a shell of a man. There was no beating heart inside of me, and in this realization I cried even harder. There was no one in sight and that made me cry even more. I felt like I had lost something. Almost like that time I lost my favorite NY baseball hat, when I was eleven. Except I didn't know what I lost and the pain was one hundred times stronger.

Suddenly, there were hands on my shoulder. They were small, warm, and beautiful with dark blue nail polish. They filled me with warmth just by their miniscule touch. And then they weren't touching me, they were holding me, soothing me. I hadn't noticed I was still crying but I was.

My first thought was Maria but she felt different. She felt like home. Like happiness. My only guess was that she was an angel.

She comforted me as I cried. She whispered to me, but I couldn't hear her words. Her arms were around me yet I never saw her face. I only saw a light brown strand of hair, and I swore to myself I would always love that color.

My angel was everything to me in this moment. My whole heart swelled up with love for her. She was just perfect, and I knew I would do anything for her.

I didn't notice, when I stopped crying, until she removed her arms from around me, and let me go. I turned to her, taken back by her sudden movement. Her face was shielded from me and as much as I tried to see it, I couldn't.

Why did she let go of me? The selfish part of me asks. I reach out to her but she pushes me away, and in her single touch a million sparks are set off. She's crying, I realized, but I don't know why. It hurt me to see her crying but I didn't dare make another move to touch her.

Suddenly, I felt a small touch on my shoulder. I looked up, and there she was the love of my life. Not my angel but my love. Maria... She's beautiful as always, holding out her hand for me to take, but something in me didn't want to leave my angel behind. Maria smiled at me like I was being silly, and kept her hand extended, but I didn't take it. She frowned, and held out her hand impatiently; her eyes saying 'Come on, already'.

I looked back at my angel, only to see her crying still. She didn't seemed to notice Maria there. She just kept on crying, and something told me it was my fault.

Maria nudged me. She made a motion with her head for us to get out of here. Her hand was still extended, and with a final look at my angel, I took it.

I know I should of felt better, or at least more comfortable walking with my girlfriend, but I didn't and it wasn't. My palm burn at her touch, but I still loved her. She was still my love, but I was one hundred aware of what I was leaving behind. Still I didn't look back, yet her sobs grew louder and louder as I walked away, and I could feel her looking at me as I walked away...