I Made It.

I made it!! Lana says as she just won Isabella in a race at recess. They laugh with huge smiles on their faces, they're both as happy as can be. They had no worries, yet again it was only the fifth  grade. They've been friends since preschool. They only need each other. They would take on the world. In a blink of an eye they're starting high school. They are nervous freshman but as long as they got each other, it's fine right ? They later find out that they don't have the same classes. As devastated as they were, they thought it couldn't be that bad. When school was over they both go to Lanas house and tell each other about their first day as a high schooler. Lana tells Isabella that her day was amazing. All the kids. The nice teachers . She loved the big school. She loved everything about it. Isabella on the other hand had a terrible day, but she didn't want to ruin Lanas  joyful mood.  Isabella just told Lana that her day was great and she loved the people. Yet in the inside she was wrecked about everything. She got cat called by a bunch of  scrawny immature boys. She hated the teachers. They were so mean. She felt like everyone was judging her already, but she let it go. Months go by and Isabella's mental health is getting worse and worse. Lanas mental health is still great! Yet again Lana gets straight A's and Isabella gets D's and F's. Lana has a great home but Isabella has abusive parents who are always arguing. Lana has self confidence but Isabella is insecure and hates looking in the mirror . Lana has a boyfriend and feels loved. Isabella feels lonely and disgusting. Isabella is losing motivation in everything. She doesn't even want to get up and take a shower or brush her teeth. She tries hard. Really hard, but she feels she isn't good enough. Since Lana has a boyfriend now, Isabella thinks she'll forget about her. Lana has flaked and ditched Isabella for her boyfriend. Isabella overthinks and thinks Lana is getting tired of her. Lana doesn't even think that way because she knows she would never forget Isabella. She thought Isabella would know that by now.  Sophomore year comes by and they both feel the same. Nothing changes. They both still hang out now and then but it's different. Lana doesn't see a difference in their friendship but Isabella does. Isabella sees that they don't hang out as much anymore. She sees that she Lana picks her boyfriend over her. She sees everything. Yet Lana doesn't notice. She's too distracted with her boyfriend, but doesn't even notice it. Sophomore year goes by fast. It definitely wasn't what Isabella expected. Isabella was at home most of the time but Lana was out partying and doing the fun stuff teenagers usually do. Junior year comes by and Isabella decides to go to a back to school party At a classmates house. Lana goes too. Isabella feels free. Finally. She was tired of only staying at home. Her parents were abusive and never treated her right. They both were addicted to drugs. Isabella was taking care of herself all the time. She had no siblings. She always thought of Lana as a sister.  Her and Lanas were still friends. Not best friends, but friends. They weren't close as they used to be. But it's okay. At the party a guy takes Isabella upstairs. Isabella didn't think nothing of it. She has known this kid since the eighth grade. They weren't dating, but she trusted him. She didn't think anything was gonna happen. She just thought he needed to talk because the whole party he was sad looking. She was going to give him advice, but that's not what he wanted. He wanted her body. He didn't care about her or her personality. Only her body. He took off her clothes. She tried so hard to defend herself. She kicked. Punched, bit, pulled hair, scream, slapped, but nobody heard due to the insanely loud music. He raped her. They were both  drunk but that doesn't matter. You should never do that to anyone without consent. He left the room happy for what he got. She was full of tears. She was in so much pain mentally and physically. Bleeding. He popped her cherry. She was a virgin. She was so scared and empty. "Why me? " she thinks. she puts her clothes back on and she leaves. She  Goes to her house wishing she could go cry in her moms arms. That's all she ever wanted. Was a good long hug from her parents, but of course they weren't there. They were probably in a motel 6 drunk and high not giving a damn about anything.  Isabella goes to her room and sleeps. She sleeps for hours. She misses the next couple of days of school. Her mental health is terrible. She constantly gets cat called and judged. She feels so unloved. She wishes everything could just go back to fifth grade. When she was happy. When she felt loved. When she knew everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't the fifth grade, it was the beginning of junior year. Only the beginning and she already wants it to end . She's tired. She's the type of tired that a long sleep  can't even fix. She goes to the kitchen and grabs a knife. She doesn't want to do this, but she feel that some how she needs to. She slits both of her wrist while crying in pain. Her wrists weren't enough. She does her thighs too. She just wishes someone would notice her pain, but if no one even notices you then what's the point of living ? every single year is the same. She's alone everyday. Even holidays. Usually her parents just go out somewhere. She doesn't have any other family. They don't care about her. Isabellas family was Lana. Only Lana. She loved Lana. She needed Lana. But Lana got distant. They would still FaceTime and talk at school sometimes. But it wasn't the same. At all. She wants Lana back. The Lana who didn't have a boyfriend. She's happy that Lana was in love but she wished she would make more time for her friends.  Junior year is horrible, but what did you expect? Every year is like that. Ever since freshman year. Isabella gains an addiction to self harm.  In the summer she didn't go out at all. She didn't go to parties, she didn't make new friends, she didn't go swimming, she didn't have those fun nights. She just stayed home. She couldn't do it anymore. She just wanted to stay home. She didn't have motivation to do anything or go anywhere. Isabella has severe depression and anxiety. She hates it. She wants to be normal. She does want to be a teenager and do all the fun teenager stuff. She just wants to live. Yet she can't. She can't even get out of bed. She even forgets to eat. She skips her meals and lost lots of weight. As senior year comes Isabella is sorta happy that high school is almost over. She made a promise to herself that she is going to change this year. She is gonna stop the self harming. She is going to find motivation one way or another. She is going to have a fun year. She isn't going to let the depression or anxiety get to her. She wants to feel something other than sadness this year. Senior year started good :) . Isabella truly felt like this year was the year. She still had a bad home and still was traumatized about the rape, but she chose to let it go. It's in the  past. Of course she didn't tell anyone about the rape. "Why would she? Nobody would care anyways.. right ?"That was her mind set. She made a promise to herself that she would let everything go. So she did. Her mental health was getting better. Slowly but surely. The middle of senior year is where is started to get bad again. She liked this boy ever since freshman year. She never talked to him because she was too scared. She thought he wouldn't like her so she never talked to him.Finally she decided to make a move. So she did and they started dating. She was getting happier and happier. Her and Lana were still friends. Until one day. Isabella gets a texts from Lana. It says " Heyy Isabella, I know we've been besties since the preschool but stuff is different now. I know I have been distant but I still love you dearly. I think it's best if maybe we don't talk anymore.. I mean we don't talk that much anyways you know ? So maybe it's for the best. Thank you for the memories. One of the best ones were with you. I love you :)) " and when Isabella read that , she was crushed. She was shocked. She didn't know what to say or do. "I know we don't talk anymore but I need you. I need to know that your okay. I need to now that you still appreciate me. Please don't leave me. Not right now." Isabella responds. " of course I still appreciate you Isabella :D. You mean a lot to me but what's the point of being friends when we don't talk like we used to" Lana replies. "Okay I guess ur right. Goodbye I love you. Never forget that " Isabella says. No Isabella didn't think she was right. But she wanted her to be happy and she can't make her be her friend.  Isabellas mental health is getting worse. She doesn't want it to but she can't control it. Later on Isabellas own boyfriend is over at her house. They go into her room. Isabella just wants to hang out, but the boyfriend starts taking off her clothes along with his. She tries stopping him but he pins her. She can't move. She squirms and moves but can't . After he was done he left. She was there. In her room. Scared. She couldn't do this anymore. Her mental health was just getting better. Senior was almost over. She was almost free, but no. This had to ruin everything. She grabs a knife. She starts self harming again. She gets addicted again. She doesn't want to live. The only reason she was living was because of Lana.. but Lana doesn't even care about her anymore. She grabs a pencil and a paper and writes a goodbye letter to Lana. She says all her feelings and all the memories. She tells her everything in the note. The first day of high school. Her mental health. Her rape and who the rapist were, The self harm she told Lana every little thing. "This isn't your fault, I'm doing this for the best. Don't blame yourself. I love you but I can't do this anymore. Nobody noticed" was the last sentence on the note. Isabellas goodbye note to Lana was about two pages front and back. Isabella goes to the kitchen and overdosed on pills. Later on in the night her parents come home from partying. They saw Isabella on the floor. They called the police and ambulance. They found the note to Lana right by her. Isabellas parents called Lana and told her. Lana rushes to the hospital and receives the note.  As the doctors are trying to have Isabella stay alive, Lana is reading the note with tears filled in her eyes. Hours later the doctors come out and says that Isabella didn't make it. Lana is broken. More broken than Isabellas parents. They were sad but didn't give a damn about her. Lana wish she spent more time with her. "Please come back" "please don't leave" Lana says as she's holding Isabellas dead hand. Lana continues senior year and on the day they graduated she goes to Isabellas grave and says "I made it."