Just in case || Draco Malfoy

Twenty Seven - Stories

"No one gives a shit
No one gives a shit
No one gives a shit
About my life

Till I die"

-New Flesh, Current Joys

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"Why does it matter how I got them? Just eat them before we get caught".

Cass Blaise Zack and Eddie had all come up to my dorm. I was sharing out the biscuits between them, not daring to do so in the common room - the Slytherin prefects would take them off us as soon as they saw us eating a crumb of food that wasn't permitted and if a death eater caught us on a random patrol of the common room, we would be punished severely out of suspicion of theft.

"It matters because how did you manage to steal them? Where are they keeping the stuff?" Cass was questioning me about how I had gotten the biscuits as the five of us ravenously devoured every last crumb in the bag.

I still hadn't told them that I had met with Draco. They had each gone up to their dorms not wanting to be antagonised by the prefects that watched over the common room. But they were suspicious as to how I got the food.

"Someone gave them to me," I replied hoping she would drop it but knowing she wouldn't.

"Ohhh" she said "right got it" she said with a small devilish smile.

"What?" I said to her.

"Oh don't play dumb Helena. We all know who got you them," she replied. I glared at her.

"And so what. Like I told you, I hate him. But I'm not going to decline when he wants to give me food am I? Especially seen as we aren't far off starving here." I said to her.

"Well didn't you think he put something in them?" Zack added.

"Yeah I did. At first. But.."

"But what?" Eddie chimed in. I thought about what had happened in the classroom.

"Nothing. Look, nothings happened, has it? There was nothing in them" I said back to him.

"But how did you know? Blaise added.

"Look. I don't know why you all for some reason think I still like the boy. But I can assure you that I don't. He's a death eater! What part of this isn't sticking in your heads?"

"We've told you before" said Zack. "Maybe he was forced. I mean, look at his parents. They have been death eaters since they were his age. If you were brought up like that, you wouldn't have a choice if they told you you had to join them, do you? And you know who, Draco isn't going to say no to him is he?"

I had informed them of what I knew about Draco before tonight - how he snuck the death eaters into the school and watched as Dumbledore was killed by Snape. Yet they still believed that the boy was good. Why couldn't they see?

"Why are you so willing to overlook the fact that he watched Snape murder Dumbledore and did nothing about it? Even if he wasn't the killer he is the reason he's dead." I spat at the four of them. They shared a look with each other.

"Because. We know that he isn't the best person. But he was never capable of murder or anything close. Why would he keep trying to talk to you if he was really a cold hearted killer?" Said Zack. He could see the anger rising in my eyes with his attempts to defend him.

"You tell me. He probably thinks he can get me to forgive him and then he can use me. He is no different from all those locked in Azkaban for being faithful to the dark lord. Why don't you all see that like I can?" I said to them, the anger in my voice excessively clear.

"Because you feel betrayed" said Blaise. "We would all feel the same way if we loved someone and they turned out like this.

"I do not love him Blaise Zabini" I said to him, staring with daggers in my eyes.

"Then why is it that you have put that necklace back on?" Said Eddie. I glared at him. "I certainly wouldn't if I hated him as much as you say you do"

"Get out." I mumbled at him. I stood up from the bed and walked to the door opening it. "All of you. Get out"

"Helena, I didn't mean anything. I was just saying-"

"OUT" I cut off Eddie. He seemed taken aback by my sudden anger. "All of you. Leave me alone" they each looked at each other in slight shock.

"Helena, we-"

"I don't want to hear it Cass. If you think I am evil enough to love someone like that, then I will act like it. Get out!" I shouted. They each glanced at each other. Eddie stood up from the bed. I looked him in the eye as he left the room. The others followed.

I slammed the door behind them as they left. I walked over to where my bed was and brushed off the crumbs that lay on the sheet before lying on it on my back.

Why wouldn't they believe me? Why were they saying that I was still in love with someone so despicable. I felt a hot tear slowly fall down my temple and onto the pillow my head was lay on.

I had fought the urge to cry for weeks now but I could no longer stand it. I couldn't stand any of it - not being able to speak to my family. Eating hardly enough. No longer being able to enjoy those small things that I didn't realise how much I loved until I wasn't able to do them any more. I missed so desperately being able to go down to hogsmeade with my friends. I missed speaking to Fred. I missed sneaking to the Ravenclaw common rooms in the middle of the night. I missed spending my nights on top of the astronomy tower, looking out over the black lake as the sunset.

But most of all, I missed Draco. Not the Draco I know now, the Draco that I thought I knew before that day. Before I knew what he was. I guess the others were right. I did miss him. But not this version of him. I missed being able to be hugged by someone and feel unexplainably happy. I missed spending endless hours speaking nonsense to someone yet still being hopelessly content.

Why did it have to turn out this way? Why did he have to be what he was?

I always find myself constantly asking questions expecting someone to come to me and tell me the answers. But I had lived in the dark for months, and now I knew the truth, I almost wished I could still live under the deception that all was ok. That nothing was wrong. But obviously, everything in this world I lived in was wrong now.

I wish I had the ability to slip into one of the universes that my books always portrayed - one where the endings were always happy, were everything always turned out perfect.

But this was no fairytale. And I was beginning to doubt that such stories could ever be more than that- just stories that trick us into thinking that our own lives could ever be as perfect. But that isn't the case. This was no fairy tale story, but a harsh reality.

And I'm getting rather sick of it. All I want is to turn to the next chapter and set the previous ones alight. And to be able to write the rest myself.

...