What's on my mind (Todobaku)

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Bakugou Pov

I felt lonely without Shoto, his calming presence missing from the dorm rooms. When I came back, everyone asked me questions, if I had found out where Todoroki was, why I never came back to class, and why Mr.Aizawa was missing today. I just brushed them all off, mumbling something stupid and calling them extras to get them off my back. Of course, Midoriya and Kirishima were smart enough to know that I was lying and I knew exactly where Shoto was, but they were also smart enough to not confront me about it head on. They just offered a listening ear if I needed it before I went back to my room to be alone.

Why, why couldn't I have stopped this from happening. I know that he would be fine, but maybe if I had just told Mr.Aizawa sooner, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. I had the knowledge to stop it. . . but I didn't.

I fell asleep to the sounds of idle chatter and a movie playing in the commons.

* * *

Todoroki Pov

Lonely. That's what I felt. I hate feeling like this, craving attention, craving affection, craving a touch yet just wanting to be alone because I hate social interaction. Then the guilt hits, who are you to say this and feel bad for yourself, everybody has so many worse problems. Why does this matter, what's the point of school if I don't even know what I want to do with my life. What's the point of people and friends if even my family doesn't know what I'm actually thinking because all that they see is the fake persona. Life is dull, I don't see a point right now, I mean we just survive to better survive. I keep thinking that something will make me happier but it never does. Maybe buying this will make me happy, it doesn't. Maybe making a new friend will make me happy, it doesn't. Maybe taking care of myself will make me happy, it doesn't. What if none of these feelings are even real? What if I'm just romanticizing other people's trauma and projecting it onto myself. That's why I'm selfish, because I don't want to be happy, because I just don't care if I'm happy anymore. What even is happiness, something that we just chase after, day after day. A trick that makes us think life is worth living. Why are we so fixated on happiness why do we chase after it day after day, Happiness is a drug.

Lonely is what I felt in the hospital when I was drifting in and out of consciousness, lonely is what I felt when I was on that playground, and lonely is what I felt when I finally woke up for good.

The first thing that I heard was the steady beeping of the heart monitor, then I felt myself groan as my eyes opened to blinding white hospital light. A young nurse with a short brown pixie cut walked in.

"Ohh, you're finally up" she said as she walked over and handed me a glass of water. I took the glass with shaky hands and had small sips of it spilling a few drops on the blue hospital scrubs. She took the glass back and started to check my vitals.

"Where am I?"

"You're at Central hospital, gave your blond friend and your teacher quite a scare"

"Katsuki Bakugou?" I asked

"Yeah, I think that was his name" she replied, I started to feel a little less lonely than before.

"I still don't understand, why am I here?"

"Do you not remember? I wouldn't be surprised, you had a concussion. I'll let your teacher explain" she gave me a sympathetic smile before leaving me all alone again.

Not ten minutes later familiar red eyes and spiky ash-blond hair burst into the room. "Shoto" he said with wide eyes, pulling up a chair to sit next to my bed. "You're awake"

"Yeah," I said "I remember going to the park but I don't know what happened afterward"

"You have been asleep for four days after I found you passed out." there was a tone of sadness in his voice, "don't ever do that again" he was shaking at this point, morning sunlight streaming through the curtains making colors in his hair and white school shirt. "I was so worried" his voice sounded defeated, almost broken.

That's when Mr.Aizawa stepped into the room. "You know I should have expelled you" he said. He tried to sound normal but I could see the redness in his eyes. "You consumed a ton of alcohol on a school day." It all came flooding back to me now, the park slide, the boddle, how good it had felt to finally numb the pain without cutting. "But I settled for a four-day suspension instead, and those four days that I chose just so happen to be the four days that you were passed out at the hospital." There was a glint of mischief in his tired eyes.

"Mr.Aizawa I can explai-"

"No. We can talk about this later, right now you need to get plenty of rest, if all goes well they can release you back to the dorms by the end of the day where you will take it easy. I'm not letting you see your father until further notice." Anger flared into his expression when he said the word "father". I looked at Bakugou who had a guilty expression.

"Did you. . ."I looked to Katsuki

"I'm sorry Shoto, it was bad and I had to tell him." Katsuki responded

"It's okay" I let out a sigh "It was bound to happen at some point."

Mr.Aizawa interrupted "Get some rest kid, Bakugo can stay but you need to relax, there is something that I want to ask you tomorrow."