What's on my mind (Todobaku)

Chapter 16

Todoroki Pov

Helpless, when the feeling hits I feel helpless. I don't know why the feeling always comes in the middle of when I'm doing something, but when it hits, it hits like a truck. It's almost like nostalgia and then it sets in and I feel helpless. Like nothing even matters, like I'm useless. And then I'm reminded of all the things I could have done better. I don't like feeling helpless, it makes me feel like I am deserving of nothing, like God made a mistake. That's why I don't cry, why I haven't cried in over half a year, because I hate feeling helpless. The feeling fades, sometimes it only takes half an hour, sometimes it takes almost half a day, but when it comes I don't care about anything, the feeling is all-consuming. I don't know how to describe it, I don't know what the feeling is, does everybody get this feeling? This sudden hit of uselessness and worthlessness, all you can do is sit there and let the feeling whisk you away into another dimension, because what's the use, what's the use of doing anything, what's the use of trying to stop it. I deserve it, because I am helpless.

As I sit on the bed in my dorm room I feel helpless, the bandages on my arm reminding me that I am weak. The words feel fake, every time someone from my class comes to ask me how I am doing, to see why I am damaged, to see why I look so broken they always tell me that I am strong. And it feels fake, they look into my dead eyes, my emotionless face, and tell me that whatever is going on they are here for me.

Then he comes into my room and my heart flutters a little, huh, maybe I am not emotionless. He sits next to me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, the yellow lights on the ceiling contrasting the dark night sky.

"Hey," Katsuki says, drawing me from my stupor, "Do you want a glass of water?" he asks, I turn my head to look at him and nod my head.

"I can go downstairs and get it."

"Not so fast" he says "You might have been lucky to get released from the hospital when you only woke up this morning. But you have only been at the dorms for an hour and that leg needs to rest from walking because you refused to let me carry you in here." I let out a breath and glanced at my leg, it had stitches from a large gash, courtesy of my father.

At the time I hadn't realized how bad it really was, all that my brain processed was that I needed to get out of the house still drunk on adrenaline, and then I was just stupid enough to grab a random bottle of alcohol.

Bakugo moved his hand up and down my shoulder calmingly and then I jumped when I heard a knock at the door.

"I'll go see who it is" he decided. Katsuki took his hand off and went to open the door. There stood Aizawa and Present Mic, he glanced back to me. "I'm going to go get that water, I'll come back when you three are done talking."

Once Katsuki left, the two teachers stepped in and Present Mic closed the door.

"Hey, how are you doing little listener?" Mic questioned, warmth lighting his face, something I could never display.

I shot him a small, fake smile "I'm good" The statement was bland, way too good to be truthful. "So, what did you need to talk about?"

"As you are aware, your father is . . . under investigation" Aizawa said, curling up his fists with the mention of my father.

Mic stepped in, "Right now you are in the custody of UA, but that won't stand for long. You need a guardian and unfortunately due to the age and financial situations of your siblings, they have been deemed unable to take custody of you." I grimaced at that fact. "We have been talking about it a lot and, well-"

"What my husband is trying to say is how about you come live with us" Aizawa suggested. I raised my eyebrows about the "husband" part before the meaning of the statement set in.

"You could still stay in the dorms for as many days out of the week as you wanted and during the summer you would be at our apartment, but you can have the freedom to do what you want and stay at UA." Mic babbled until Aizawa put a hand on his back.

"We'll leave you to think about, just come find us if you have any questions," he said, and just like that, they walked out of my room.

I was so caught up with the thoughts, I didn't even hear Bakugou walk into my room until he pressed a cool glass into my hands.

"Hey," he said it with a questioning tone but didn't ask for answers about our conversation.

"They want to take me in" I blurted out.

"Oh," he said, "Is that a good thing?"

"I don't know" I answered truthfully.

He put his hand on top of mine and I raised my eyes to look into his red ones. "I think it might be a good thing. I know what you are thinking but they are not doing this out of pity, they care about you; and, you deserve them." He assured me, something warm blossomed in my chest.

"Thank you"

Hey, I hope you are liking the story. Honestly when I started it I didn't have any sort of plan for it. The next chapter will start to get into some Todobaku mushy-ness. Thank you for reading.