What's on my mind (Todobaku)

Chapter 5

Mornings are always hard for me, I feel like the blankets are holding me down like the world is pressing against me. What's the point in even getting up, just another day in hell. But I knew I needed to get up, or else I would get more questions from all my classmates, and that fear was the only thing motivating enough to tear myself off of the floor that I fell asleep on. I placed my hands on the wall for support, just because I finally got some sleep doesn't mean that I felt much better. It didn't change the fact that I still hadn't eaten in who knows how long, didn't change the fact that I still had a sore body from last night's beating or the fact that Bakugo would be asking me questions about what happened, and it didn't change the fact that I was slowly self-destructing from the inside.

Out of some Kind of miracle I made it to the classroom with a slight limp and a dizzy head. As soon as I made it to my desk I let out a sigh of relief, putting my bag down and letting the blue chair press into my back. I stared at the blank white ceiling and took in the quiet chatter of my classmates, my relaxation didn't last long though because a certain ash blond stepped into the classroom and stomped up to me.

"Alright, where were you last night IcyHot." He demanded, we gained a few questionable glances from our classmates.

"Your right Kacchan, now that I think about it I didn't see you last night either Todoroki" Midoriya stepped in. Iida and Uraraka were now also looking at me.

"Alright class get in your seats to start today's lesson," Aizawa said from the door, a coffee in hand and a piece of chalk to write on the board in the other. "And Todoroki, I'd also like to talk to you after class" My eyes widened, why would he want to talk, did he figure anything out?

I sat through the lesson, worrying the whole time about why Mr.Aizawa wanted to see me. Finally, the last hour ended and it was time to go back to the dorms. I tried to sneak past him with all of the other kids, but he caught me.

"Todoroki, remember I wanted to talk to you"

"Uh, yea what did you want to talk about?" I asked hoping he couldn't hear the nervous tinge to my voice.

"Why didn't you sleep in the dorms last night?"

"I was at my father's and I lost track of time" I answered

"And is that where you got those bruises on your leg, at your father's?" I looked at my shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. "I'm a pro hero and a teacher Todoroki, it's my job to pay attention" he added when he saw my face.

"I just fell that's all," I said quietly

Mr.Aizawa sighed "Listen, kid, I'm worried about you. You didn't turn in your homework this morning, You ran out of sparring the other day, you never get to your dorm on time, and don't think those dark circles under your eyes are going unnoticed. I have been paying closer attention to you lately and you don't seem like your normal self ."

I bit my lip "look I appreciate the concern, but I don't need it. Really, I'm fine" I claimed even though we probably both knew it was a lie at this point.

"I'm your teacher, you can tell me anything; I won't get upset or judge. If you are getting bullied, or if something is going on with your friends, or your mental health, I wanna help you kid." I was just an inch from losing it, I felt like I was about to just cry forever. But I couldn't. Shut up, he doesn't really care about you. He's a teacher, he is required to say that to you. He's just taking pity on you. As if someone would care for you, how stupid can you be? The voices filled my head, and I faced the door.

"I'm sorry, but nothing's wrong," I said, but it was barely above a whisper. I walked out of the classroom filling the voices urging me to push everyone away. It hurt, it stung like fresh cuts, but what else could I do, after all, I deserved it.

* * *

When I got up to my room I sat in my bed, my eyes threatening to close and hand me to the tempting arms of sleep. But a knock on the door interrupted my peace. The knock continued getting louder. I got up and opened it, it was Bakugo looking slightly angrier than usual, but there was something else that laced his expression. Concern. He stomped in without invitation and tossed a protein bar at my chest.

"What is this for?" I asked

"Don't think that I didn't notice you not eating anything in the cafeteria today" he said "Now, Spill"

"I don't know what you want me to say" I replied setting the bar on my desk and going back to sit on my bed.

"Yes, you do! He declared "fine well maybe you can start with why you didn't sleep at the dorms last night, or about why you kept passing out, or maybe why you don't eat."

It was at that moment, that I realized my mask was finally starting to crack. This web of lies that I had been hiding under since I knew these people, no, since my father's abuse started, was finally catching up to me. Two people had already made considerable dents and the rest were soon going to follow. I was foolish to think that I could keep it up until graduation. I started to think about my father what he would say, what he would do. The voices entered my mind. My emotions still brittle as ice from my talk with Aizawa.

"Well Candy Cane!" Bakugo demanded.

I couldn't take it, and honestly, I didn't know how I even lasted this long. My breathing sped up but I felt like I couldn't breathe at all, I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, my heart pounded feeling like it was going to burst out of my ribcage. I trembled and fell to my knees, I could hear Bakugo saying something but my surroundings felt detached. I felt arms wrap around me, at first I panicked and tried to get away from them, but they rubbed my back and a voice whispered things in my ear, I realized it was Bakugo. I held on to his shirt like I was going to float away. My senses slowly started to come back until I realized the position I was in. Bakugo was still rubbing my back and I was fisting his shirt crying into his shoulder. I tried to calm down but I was also embarrassed.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, I'm sorry" He whispered to me. I don't get it, why is he being like this. I don't deserve it. It's my fault. I- I- I Bakugo interrupted my thoughts by pulling me onto his lap and rubbing petting my hair. "It's okay, just take your time" Why was he being so soft? And why did I . . . like it?