What's on my mind (Todobaku)

Chapter 6

Once I calmed down a little bit I pushed Bakugo away "Todoroki-" he said

"No. No! Why are you doing this for me, Why Are You Helping me?" I cried, my voice still raw from the strangled sobs I had been letting out only moments ago. "Stop, I don't deserve it."

"What do you mean, of course you deserve it"

"I don't need you to pity me Bakugo" It came out as barely a whisper this time

"I'm not doing it out of pity, I want to help you, so let me in, let me help you." I let out a shaky sigh and accepted it. He had already proved that he wouldn't let it go. But I still had a question, If he wasn't doing it out of pity . . . why was he helping me? No, I shook my head. He probably just felt bad and was saying that but didn't mean it. I nodded at him as he wiped the last of my tears from my eyes with his thumb.

* * *

I laid in my room after I pushed Bakugo out telling him that I needed to be alone. It was Wednesday and I didn't have to go back to my dad's house until the weekend. My head was still racing, what the hell just happened? First I was confronted by Aizawa, then I had a panic attack right in front of Bakugo, then he promised that he would help me. I didn't know what to make of that last bit of news, I was tired, tired of making up lies, tired of pushing people away, tired of pretending, and honestly, I was tired of life. Maybe if I just told him what was going on. . . no, don't do it. You don't deserve to complain to him about your problems. If you can even call them problems you selfish brat, I mean, everything is your fault anyway. I couldn't ignore the voices, they were always there. Fresh tears dripped down my cheeks. I don't tell anyone for my own good, I reminded myself. I can handle this. I have everything under control. Right?

* * *

Bakugo Pov:

"Todoroki" I called, but he just looked the other way again. I was in the hallway at school walking to my next class and Todoroki kept ignoring me. He didn't eat breakfast or dinner last night with the class again and now he was avoiding me at all costs. I didn't blame him for not telling me sooner, he was going through a lot. I didn't know everything that was in his mind, but I caught a glimpse of the scars on his arms and I assumed something was going on at home since he was acting all shady and sh*t. I could also tell that he also barely ate or slept and it was taking a toll on his strength.

Damn! Why won't he just let me help him! And why did I want to help him so badly? I saw him yesterday fall apart in my arms, his eyes filled with pain and his sobs made him sound broken. I turned into the door of Present mic's classroom and sat in my chair at my desk. I had seen that stuff before, I used to get panic attacks when I was younger, something about my anger issues and my quirk being overwhelming. And self harm- I had used to use my quirk to burn myself. My parents found out though and I haven't done it in years. It doesn't compare to what Icy Hot was going through, and I was mostly mentally stable now. But still, I know a small part of what he is going through, it's not a nice place to be. I wanted to help him, I know I needed to gain his trust first, but I thought that I had a little bit of a breakthrough last night. So why was he not talking to me? I still had five minutes before the start of class and I needed to figure this out so I marched up to his desk.

"Icy hot!" he ignored me in favor of looking at his shoes like they were the most interesting things in the world "fine have it your way, you leave me with no choice" I took his hand and practically dragged him out of the classroom. He tried to squirm out of my grip, but I just held onto his wrist tighter. "You better stop struggling or I'm going to pick you up and carry you like a fucking princess" He stopped struggling.

I led us up to the rooftop and sat down resting my back against the wall. For a few minutes, we just sat there, taking in the fresh air and swaying trees. Finally, Todoroki broke the silence first "You know we are going to miss class."

I responded with "Yea but that class is boring anyway, plus this is more important"

"I don't know why you dragged me up here"

"Yes you do, you were ignoring me all day. Right when we just had some progress last night."

Todoroki let out a shaky breath "It's not like you care"

"What are you talking about, of course, I care, why else would I be up here with you, sitting on this roof like a fucking high school coming of age movie."

"I don't know"

"Exactly, so just tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."

"Fix it, you think that you can fix this" his voice was deadly calm, his hands trembling, not with fear, but with anger. "You don't even know what's going on, I've tried to fix this so many fucking times." his voice cracked "With blades, with pills, with drinks" he stood up and looked at the sky. "Everyone wants to fix me, make me better. You, Aizawa, Fuyumi. You don't understand. You can't fix me! I'm just broken!" he was yelling at this point, face red and hands clenched. He wasn't just angry he was frustrated.

"I'm so tired Bakugo, tired of all of this." his voice was trembling too. "Tired of myself, I'm tired of life!" he screamed "I- I just-" he ran a hand through his hair. I think this is the most real I have ever seen him. He grabbed his bag and ran down the steps. I put my head in my hands and walked to the edge of the roof to see him running back to the dorms.

All of these emotional breakdowns must have been taking a toll on his fragile emotions. I mean, he laid all of his pain out for me just last night, and now I do this.

Shit. I messed it up again, didn't I?

Hello, it's the author! how's life? I'm sorry this chapter turned out a lot cringey-er than I thought it would be lol. December holidays are coming up soon, make sure to be safe and spend some quality time off if you have a holiday break. :)