There is something about depression; that is so beautiful yet forbidden. It's ever changing like life itself, some day it feels like everything at once and sometimes it's nothing at all - which proposes the question: what's worse? Drowning under the waves or dying from the thirst?
Sometimes I wonder if I should just die and rid everyone of the burden that is my existence, I should just disappear from the world as it would bring so many people so much joy. I'm not even worthy to breathe the same air as others, my existence is a sin - a sin which I deserved to be punished for.
Do you ever feel like your fading away and people are noticing you less and less, so much that your able to slit your wrists and die and no one would ever notice or care? That's how I feel every second of my life, and by chance someone notices me for a split second but then you fade into nothingness again and you wonder if there's even a point in trying.
My existence is not needed - I'm just waiting every day to just fade away, as people notice me less and less until eventually I am standing on the outside of the group as they chat. They always look so much happier so I just turn around and leave them alone, I'm just waiting for me to officially fade into nothingness.
The feelings that didn't reach you, the words I couldn't say and the thoughts I couldn't accept are killing me on the inside.
If I kill myself tonight - the stars will continue to shine, the sun will come up in the morning, the world will still spin, 7 billion people will continue their lives as if nothing happened. So tell me, why would I matter if I killed myself tonight? I am.. irrelevant, just a waste of space. It doesn't matter what I do or what choices I make, it all amounts to nothing. Everything I do is useless, I try and I try and I try.. yet I still fail.. the world is against me. Why bother anymore?
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The woes of a Modern Day Sappho
SpiritualWoes from thou, a book about yours truly and the documents of life's ups and down: the experience from someone broken and lost with a memory to assist. I suffer from many hardships: mental, physical and emotional. I have poor health and many mental...
