The woes of a Modern Day Sappho

Chapter 11: A Conversation with a Ghost

You're lonely aren't you?
No, I prefer being alone.
So you push people away with hurtful words?
I feel safer with just me.
You know, not everyone is out to get you.
...
Are you tired of me yet?
..yeah
Why did you stop going places?
Because I feel like walking has become another chore, I don't think I can go walking anywhere.. not anymore
Do you want to be braver?
If I was braver just imagine what I could do.. I could hit back and defend myself and maybe even them..
Does she really know you?
I would lie all the time to see if she could tell truth from lie, she would scold me regardless.. even if she wasn't even right
You know it's okay not to be okay sometimes
Words are easier said than done
Are you proud of who you are?
Not really.. I could be smarter, more good looking, thinner.. I could be better but I'm not
Pushing people away doesn't fix the problem
It's easier.. and safer..
You hurt a lot people by doing that
They hurt me too.. it's just self defence.. everything that has ever broken me.. it's not easy to trust..
Your not okay
I know.. but I can't change that.. I can't do anything right..
It's raining tonight
A gloomy atmosphere equals a gloomy mood because of humans simple way of thinking.. but I like the rain
Do you like the moon?
I whisper my secrets to the moon.. it keeps my secrets when no one else will..
You should talk with others more
I'm a waster of time, my existence is a chore you know.. I don't want to burden people with my problems
So you lie on the floor?
I lie on the floor like trash because that's where my existence is at
It's cold tonight
I'll be fine..
You should be asleep
I can't.. anxiety is keeping me up, insomnia likes to dance and dip me in the silhouette of the candlelight.. it makes the moon feel like perfect company
You don't always have to run
It's the only thing I can do.. if I can't run then I'll walk, if I can't walk then I'll crawl.. no matter what, I'll  do what I must to get away.
There's a storm going on outside
Compared to the storm of my mind.. I prefer this one..
They think your an asshole
I'm sick of being treated like I was the one who hurt them. All I'm doing is trying to protect them, making me feel like an asshole isn't helping them.
Didn't you feel special?
It hurts the worst when the person who made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today
You lie a lot
You're either the liar or the one being lied to, you should have protected yourself from being either.. I'm scared the more people know, the higher the chance that they'll leave me..
Why do you sleep so late?
Sleep isn't just sleep anymore, when I have the chance.. it's an escape
Why do you keep it all inside?
I keep it inside because I rather the pain destroy me than everyone else
Don't jump out that window
Don't worry.. I don't have the energy but if I did then I would run away from here.. to a place where I couldn't hurt anyone.. I would run until I could run no more..
It's going to be okay
Please don't play with my feelings..
It will be alright
Why must you lie like everyone else, it's never been okay and it will never be okay..
It will get better
Life doesn't get easier, you get stronger and I never was a fighter
Please don't say you will give up on me
I'll try.. but.. I'm slowly letting go of myself..
The would can be confusing
Is everything wrong or is nothing right? I don't think I'm getting much sleep tonight.. my brain and my heart keep having this fight, let's hope I survive till morning light..
You're lost again
Yeah.. I've lost myself again. I don't know if I can salvage what is left. Can I? Would anyone care if I disappeared?
Just keep smiling
Smiling is the best way to crush every fear, face any problem and hide any pain.
You promised
Sorry for relapsing, I can't help that I'm a weak piece of shit.
Why do you always pick the easier option
Sometimes it's easier to pretend that you don't care than to admit.. it's killing you so bad