The woes of a Modern Day Sappho

Chapter 7: The Drop

"An unfulfilled relationship?
But you see, that's not true.
Because you have chosen and as a result, it's ironic how your here.
But shunned like you were a ghost.
But you see, that's just fine.
Don't gloss over and say it's terrible.
Because, I and myself, we're all ghosts.
Very selfish ghosts"

I was hurt the whole time, I just didn't say anything. I don't blame anyone, I did this to myself. It's my fault.. everything is my fault.
I regret telling anyone I've ever met, anything.
So sick of pretending everything's alright, because it's not. I wake up ever morning wishing I didn't- do you know what my favourite part of the day is? Those few seconds when I wake up, before I remember who I am. Sometimes we need a hug, but sympathy hugs suck.

I'm looking for an easy place,
To mask my thoughts inside my face.
Or brown bed calling victory.
Maybe I should just pack up and run away again,
Let you forget
That you were once,
My friend.
And should let another,
And watch them do better.

You knew I was fragile, yet you dropped me anyways. Let's just say.. if a car was coming towards me - I wouldn't scream, cry, run, I would stand there. It's sad really, the only reason I haven't successfully killed myself yet is because I don't want to hurt anyone but the reason I want to kill myself is because everyone is hurting me.
How much pain do you have to go through before giving up is okay? You want me to be happy? Put a gun to my head and pull the damn trigger.

What they don't tell you about depression is that sometimes it feels a lot less like sadness and a lot more to the emotion equivalent of watching paint dry.

Are we living a life that is safe from harm?
I'd course not. We never are.
But that's not the right question.
The question is:
Are we living a life that's worth the harm?