The woes of a Modern Day Sappho

Chapter 4: Shadow

Shadow. I though the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow, the million moving shapes and cul-de-sacs of shadow. There was shadow in bureau drawers and closets and suitcases, and shadow under houses and trees and stones, and shadow at the back of peoples eyes and smiles, and shadow, and miles and miles and miles of it, on the night side of the earth.

Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that makes them terribly unhappy then gives them drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction is already happening to some extent in our own society. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed, modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect, antidepressant drugs are a means of modifying an individuals internal state in such as way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable.
"It doesn't get better," I said. "The pain. The wounds scab over you and you don't always feel like a knife is slashing through you. But when you least expect it, the pain flashes to remind you you'll never be the same."
One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day; similarly, one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.

Once I was told;
"You're fucked. You thought you were going to be someone, but now it's obvious you're nobody. You haven't got as much talent as you thought you had and there's no Plan B, and you've got no skills and no education, now you're looking at forty or fifty years of nothing. Less than nothing, probably. That's pretty heavy. That's worse than having the brain thing, because what you go now will take a lot longer to kill you. You've got a choice of a slow, painful death, or a quick, merciful one."

I guess your right. I've been suicidal since I was around 7 and it's been 9+ years. What more do you want? I should have just jumped when I had the chance. I tried my best, Ive done my part. Now what? I've let people help and it's failed. But then I think to myself: Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed, it means the damage no longer controls our lives.
Why should I give up now? Do I want to give up or am I merely tricked into believe I can't? Why wait for maybe when I can do it now and even if I fail, at least I tried.