Aren't we all drunk in a way?
On the endless flowing of time? Drunk on the indulgences that plague our life? The ecstasy and pleasures? Money, greed, envy, status, power.
In a way we are all drunk, we depend on indulgences and thus intoxicate ourselves from one bad habit to another. In such a context we are all drunk, simply speaking. We drink into our insecurities, numbing the pain with bad habits and mistakes. Again and again. Simply acting blind to each failure or sign to stop. We plague ourselves and open arms welcomingly and warmly towards these influences and sins, accepting the plague but acting as blind cowards towards the consequences. It is only human nature, but to what extent? What extent do we consider ourselves drowning under the waves, when if we go ourselves without, we find we are dying from the thirst.
What extent do you realise you are drowning, that these are only killing you but you find yourself craving more? Like bitter wine or sweet chocolate - when do you stop? When do you even find yourself full?
"I'll find myself full when I am dead, because death means happiness and therefore no worries and due to the fact worries lead to anxiety, I want to be consumed by the waves that hold me under - to be let free."
Then I must say; to drink is to sin which only worsens your life, you grow dependant and weak. On those indulgences; lust, wrath, greed, envy, pride, sloth, gluttony. When is enough? When do you stop? You are only adding rocks to your ankles when you are trying to stay afloat above the waves.
"But what if I don't want to stop indulging in my sins? What if I want to be a sinner? I want to worsen my life, I like the way I float across this never ending ocean of grief and pain".
Why? Why wish to hurt yourself? Because you want to? Because it's fun? Or merely, you have plagued yourself to the point you are dependent; that you believe you deserve it, because you need it.
"I am dependent on my pain. It keeps me observant on my life. It's what keeps me alive. Our bodies and mere husks. As our souls are rechet, horrible creatures that have no true purpose."
But you don't need the pain, you are adding more rocks - tying them to your ankles then wondering why you cannot stay afloat.
"I will always wonder why I cannot stay afloat, what ties me down is my guilt and pain."
Simply though, why not pull the rope? Loosen the rocks and float again. Why keep them? What more do you need? The only reason you cannot do so, is because you fear being without them; because you believe to be dependent.
"I don't know if I can be independent. I've always depended on people, and I don't know how to untie the knots. Trust me, I never will."
You'd be surprised, the wonders time can do; a loving moment could be a distant memory in the blink of an eye, the warm touch of an angel shattered and twisted into a nightmare. A warm summers day, twisted by the wrath of nature; pouring and destroying the earth. Time can do all sorts. Like having a rose wilt and die in front of your eyes, to, the crack and thunder of a stormy nightmare fade into a blissfully safe day. The wonders you hold now can't be forgotten things, while lost trinkets and aged memories could become the priceless pleasures in the future.
"What if I have no life wonders? My life is despair. I feel out of place. Like I'm not perfect and everyone else is".
YOU ARE READING
The woes of a Modern Day Sappho
SpiritualWoes from thou, a book about yours truly and the documents of life's ups and down: the experience from someone broken and lost with a memory to assist. I suffer from many hardships: mental, physical and emotional. I have poor health and many mental...
