The woes of a Modern Day Sappho

Chapter 3: Unspoken

Have you ever felt the need to slit your wrists to let all the feelings of guilt and depression bleed out, then see yourself happy again?

I'm so broken that I can feel it. I mean, physically feel it. This is something more than being sad now. It's affecting my whole body.
I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I'm so tired. I'm not even in "the prime of my life" and I am already exhausted.. The sun stopped shining for me is all. The whole story is: I am sad. I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can't get away from it. Not ever. Some people are just not meant to be in this world. It's just too much for them.

I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains down and nothingness washes over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge that I can't even see it, it's something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.
It's so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint - it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed ice dispenser - you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.