A Court of Made Madness - Azriel's love

6. Others Like Me

"Hold on, how are we to trust you girl? You were Elain's target and we still don't know why.", Amren tilts her head, approaching Azriel and I, I swear I heard him growl at her, his shadows flaring around us.

"Azriel, calm down. It's a fair question", Rhysand commands. "I've been in her mind, so has Feyre and there's no threat. The voices that contribute to her being a banshee have little effect on her. Either that or she's one hell of a manipulator and her commitment to whatever cause would be astounding. Everyone has potential to harm, Amren."

"Teach me", Cassian says pleadingly. "I don't want to have to listen to Amren complain all day."

"Well I don't want to hear you and Nesta fucking across the house all day long so suck it up" Azriel snaps back. I smirk, Azriel still being focused on ways to silence Amren's retaliation.

Not being able to participate in this conversation is proving more difficult than it ought to be and is only increasing the sound of my voices. I focus on them, drowning out the possibilities and theories that the Night Court come up with while I sit on the floor, back still against the wall.

So much has happened in the last 700 years: Hybern attacked twice, 2 out of 3 of the most deadly beings have died - my aunt and uncle - I laugh to myself at the idea, Amarantha somehow managed to rule Prythian for 50 years and go crazy, there's a divide between Fae and Humans that has now been broken but the threat remains, Suri my favourite gossip is dead, everyone here reeks of sex and mating bonds and somehow 3 Fae girls won the Blood Rite by declaring themselves Valkyries and cutting a ribbon.

That is the most entertaining part.

So where's Elain now, I direct my silent shouts toward Rhysand, something I wasn't aware I could do until he poses the question to the others.

"I haven't seen her in the mortal realm" Lucien says, his heavy Autumn Court accent making his words mix together at some sounds.

"No, you've been a bit busy with your new friends. I don't suppose you'd have noticed your mate strolling through town picking flowers for a man who doesn't want her", Azriel says the word mate through his teeth - a sensitive subject I'm sure.  

"Azriel", Rhysand's harsh voice echos through the house. I stand and walk over to the balcony, the afternoon sunlight colouring the river and making the multi-coloured road seem like a Milky Way on Earth. I haven't seen colour like this since running through the Autumn forest to The Middle and finding Stryga as a teenager.

'How did they die?', I ask Rhys

"Who?" He replies.

'Stryga, Suri, Carver, Amara. The only ones all of you might know. The rest were probably murdered by Beron' I say, looking at Lucien.

Rhysand rubs a hand over his face and asks anyone else to answer, getting gaping responses from Cassian and Lucien.

I know Amarantha went a bit crazy but she always craved power, if people were too blind to see that then that's their own fault. We were raised together as Valkyries and when Beron found us, he split us apart, sold her to Hybern and threw me in the Prison. I loved her like no one else, a part of me broke when she was sent away and I wondered for 700 years when I'd see her again, I think a bigger part of her broke at the same question.

"Well the Weaver and the Bone Carver died fighting Hybern, the Suriel was killed by a priestess that the Weaver enjoyed feasting on and Amarantha... is a story for another time", Helion says.

I nod again. My voices give me input but it's random and uncontrolled.

"So now we know that we have an Evil Elain on the loose and probably Grayson pulling the strings too. But how did this all happen?" Cassian asks.

"What's the missing link?" Azriel adds.

I shrug, not knowing enough about the Seer to put the pieces together.

"Azriel find out what Graysen's been up to, Lucien keep trying your bond with Elain. Even if you can feel an emotion it could help. Helion, Nesta is still down at the library looking into Elain's new powers, maybe you can find something out about how Banshees relate to Seers - maybe we're missing a key connection here. Amren I don't care if you two have history, work with Asterin to find out more about the extent of her powers and Cassian can help to focus them physically." Rhys orders everyone without back talk as their High Lord and Feyre looks at him proud, a clear bond between them.

I already know the extent of my powers and I fear that once others find out, they won't trust me the way they need to.

Azriel disappears into the shadows and everyone else winnows out, Feyre and Rhys going to their child back at their own home, leaving me with only Amren and Cassian.

"You're going to exhaust yourself physically and mentally if you don't eat more. Let's start with that."

______________________

Amren uses my silence to help me focus the voices. She says to amplify them into clarity so they're shouting rather than whispering so that I can recognise the frequency of each one and be able to understand them. It's harder than she made it sound and a lot of cursing whispers come as the only product of this.

"Shut up child. You're not going to focus if your own thoughts are too much for you to bare. And you're giving me a headache", Amren says and I growl at her and try again.

I never forgot the Vakyrie breathing techniques because all I did was breathe for the last 7 centuries. Cassian says to go through those while I practise with Amren but it doesn't work. It seems to be that when I'm in danger or have an adrenaline rush, only then the voices are clearer and less muffled.

I go through hours of this and by the end of the day I am mentally exhausted from trying to pick apart my mind, and physically exhausted from the punches Cassian threw at me - some of them I took willingly. He went straight into it, given my upbringing but I've spent too long confined.

I end up laying down on the roof looking at the stars, unable to climb down even a few steps to my room. It's peaceful, quiet, even the voices are hushed. I see something red in the sky but choose to ignore it and turn on my side. I almost scream at the fact that Azriel is laying down next to me, staring at me, having arrived in complete silence.

"What are we doing?" He asks me with a wide grin, knowing damn well that I can't move or speak so I frown at him. He chuckles and looks back up.

"I'm sorry", he says and i crease my brows in confusion.

"For bringing you here. I wouldn't have if I knew you'd get hurt again. You were just silenced for 700 years and now it happened again. I could've taken you to the library to be with others like you" he says, guilt in his voice.

I take his hand, 'you did help me. And I spent 700 years underground with others like me, even if I can't speak you got me where I needed to be without even knowing. Thank you' - I attempt to direct my thoughts at him, concentrating on what Amren taught me today and even if he didn't hear me, he understood as he tucked a strand of hair behind my way and took his palm to my cheek and held it there, looking into my eyes. If I hadn't looked at him for a split second I would've missed the twitch of his mouth as he looked to my lips.

He winnowed me straight downstairs and into a clean bed, before closing my curtains and disappearing into the shadows.