A Court of Made Madness - Azriel's love

11. Death Herself

Azriel

"So what are we doing to get her back?!" I ask upon my return from preventing Velaris from suffocation in snow.

"Well there's not much we can or should do. She went with Elain willingly", Nesta said and I walk up to her, towering over her, when Cassian stands in between us, pushing me back.

"Dude, do not lose your chill around Nesta. We can't do anything right at this very moment - we don't even know where they are."

"Nesta, you may not like her, but she saved your nephew, your home and your life by going back to the place that took away her childhood. We will get her out of there Az. If she's with Elain, then we shoot two birds with one stone." Rhysand says, noting the shift in my scent and shadows.

I can't help but wonder if she felt it the moment I did, when she saved my family - like Rhys' mother and father. The day we lost his mother was when the world around us crumbled - she took care of Cassian and I as if we too were her children. Her story of starving herself to keep her wings and prevent herself from having her womanhood used against her, horrifyingly reminds me of the snippets of Asterin's past that she shared with me, although I know there are many many more. Cassian and Rhysand feel that too, I know they do. His mother trying for so many years to fly and then having her wings and Rhysand's sister's cut off is like Asterin being silenced for 700 years and getting a glimpse of that voice again - only for it to be taken away, maybe permanently this time.

"Here!" Amren walks in with Varian, carrying a bloodied Eris in his arms, "We found him at the border, he must've winnowed quite a lot of the way and then tried to walk here"

"Elain told Beron about Eris' allegiance to us! Cauldron knows what Beron plans to do with this information, by the looks of things he already tried to kill him. He committed treason and if he finds out that we have Eris then we can't keep him." Amren says, pacing back and forth.

"Cassian get Madja here immediately, he could be crucial in bringing back Asterin and Elain", he continues.

Seeing Eris in this cold, red state is making me sick - knowing that what's happening to Asterin again is likely to be much worse.

"Guys I think I need to tell you this now, because if Asterin is in Autumn Court then she's in real danger that not even we can rescue her from", Cassian says getting all my attention.

"700 years ago, when Beron stormed the Valkyrie training camps, he found Amarantha and Asterin - together", he says

"What! You mean together, together?" Feyre jumps in, looking toward a nodding Mor, taking me by surprise.

"From what I've been told, Beron split them up for their relationship, selling Amarantha to Hybern, but each High Lord except ours wanted to own  Asterin and Day Court placed the highest bid. When she was here, in Windhaven your mother aided her Rhys, she gave her shelter and comfort away from the other Illyrians. Beron spent months parading her around Courts as his own guard dog, a collar placed around her neck to keep her in silence and she was kept in isolation at all other times." Cassian says, brushing his fingers through his hair, Mor still gaping and looking pale.

"BUT before Day Court could claim her, she escaped."

"You mean Helion was involved?" Rhysand says warily, knowing that Helion is very aware of our plans and situation.

"I'm not sure. When she escaped and found out that Amarantha was sent away, she freaked. And I mean really freaked out to the point of killing an entire village with a scream so deathly that there were no survivors or buildings left. She was so ridden with guilt and self-destruction that she made it to Stryga's house in The Middle to end her life. But the Weaver was technically her aunt, so she allowed her to stay instead."

"That's why Asterin was warning us about Elain's guilt being the end of her", Nesta says twisting her rings with regret.

Everything is getting worse. My shadows are uncontrollable, even with my siphons. I feel sick and Mor, her best friend here seems to be the same.

"Of course when Beron's soldiers found her, Stryga couldn't leave her cottage to help her so she was alone with a bunch of grown males as a teenager..." Cassian says, indicating the unthinkable. "When she was brought back to Beron, he attempted to... reform her for her relationship with Amarantha and punish her for her escape and destruction. He let his soldiers have her until she was sent to The Prison, screaming."

"I unfortunately can account for that", Amren adds wearily, like I've never heard her before.

I vomit at the picture of it, she said she was broken but I didn't realise the extent of it being both physically and mentally. Rhysand places a hand on my shoulder and a bucket underneath me but I shrug him off.

"Lucien. When she saw Lucien, his red hair..." I puke again until I have nothing left in me.

Her trauma was so visible, she couldn't eat or take a bath or even be in the same room as a fire. I feel like shit for not realising what happened, even just some of it.

"We have to get her out. Now!" I shout.

"Helion's working with them too", Eris groans "And Elain is using everyone, including my father. She's not being controlled - she's the one in control. She wants Koschei to take her Fae powers from her so that she can be mortal again and the only leverage she has over him is his daughter - the banshee."

"She's his daughter?" Amren, who was not present during Elain's entrance earlier discovers. "Koschei's soul and body are located in different places. My guess is that he'll put either Elain's power or his soul into Asterin's body. If they're related - he can do that, especially if she's already so drawn to death".

Asterin would become her worst fear, Death Herself. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.