A Court of Made Madness - Azriel's love

7. Valkyrie

No no no no, I run to the bathroom in the morning and barely make it to the toilet before throwing up. Cassian's diet that he's making me eat isn't adjusting to my body at the rate it should be because I was starved for centuries. It's been weeks and I still can't stomach proper food.

When I walk into the dining room all I can smell is egg and I want to puke all over again but I swallow it down. Madja said I shouldn't even attempt to speak for another week, even with the balms and liquids she's given me over the last fortnight.

"You smell of vomit", Cassian says and I just flip him off with a fake half-smile and get a glass of water. "I thought you'd manage to keep it down by now. My bad"

Prick, I say under my breath.

We're a week away from Starfall, an occurrence that I've always wanted to see even though it's just a celebration of the yearly migration of spirits seen across the sky.

Training isn't a tactical necessity for me but I like the exercise so I often join the priestesses in the morning but last night Azriel and I spent the evening on the roof in the ring. Although I have 200 years on him, I've suppressed my magic for too long and I'm yet to build up my body mass, which is taking a while.

However, my combative skills left him pinned on the floor in multiple positions and locations last night or he held me down, waiting for me to worm my way out from underneath him, reminding me of the situation of how we met. The rage from the memory was enough to push him off me, but I let out a scream and his nose started dripping with blood. I ran out as fast as I could with the knowledge that I could have killed him and I locked the door to my room for the night.

"I heard a scream on the roof last night while Nesta and I were in a very interesting position. I thought it was her at first until she paused and you disrupted my sex", I laugh with him in a way that I haven't done in a long long time.

"He's ok you know. You didn't hurt him", he says reassuringly, but I just shrug my shoulders. I've been here for 4 weeks, I've spent more time with Morrigan than anyone else even though she's rarely around, but she seems to understand my silence. I told her what happened at Autumn Court in as few words as possible and it turns out that we have a shared hatred for the bastard Beron.
As a matter of fact, we bonded more at Rita's - drunk 3 days ago, trying to come up with degrading nicknames for him. There was more blurred swearing than anything, although I did notice her looking at some females and then looking away in my presence.

I nodded in the direction of a tall dark girl with white tattoos that I didn't recognise I smiled at Mor acknowledging her beauty. Times had changed, this much was clear and Mor was still stuck in the past, in fear. We fear the past to determine our future but this isn't her past, she's living out mine and I refused to allow her to do so.

I was drunk then, for the first time ever and forgot about my voice so now I'm to be absolutely silent until Starfall. It's hell, especially with my flatmates being Cassian and Nesta, all I can do at night is bury my head in my pillow or go outside like I did yesterday.

"I'm going up to the Illyrian Mountains later. Want to come?" Cassian asks and I raise a brow in question.

"Well you're the last living Valkyrie, but don't tell Nesta I said that", he whispers the end and I punch him because I couldn't tell her even if it was just to spite her which I'd very much like to do.

I nod, knowing that I'll be ok. Yes, I'll be surrounded by bat-men but I'll be ok.

"Have you met Devlon? You guys are roughly the same age I think"
I growl at the mention of his name. I had many Valkyrie friends who were sold as servants or wives to his soldiers when Amarantha and I were taken too.