Hagrid's yummy poo

Part 5

Cuz hagrid slapped draco in the pp, it fell off. i found it in the potions classroom. poor ferret boy. he had togrow a new one and it was very sad. his new pp was neon green and it looked vv kool.

'hagrid, can you turn ur pp neon green like dracos?' i asked. he started crying and poo rolled down his cheeks instead of tears.

'you love malfoy not me don't you' he cried. i slapped his jiggly bum bum and shouted no. he looked up at me and said

'wow, you jiggled my booty. thank you mamacita.' i kissed him on the cheek and licked the poo off of  his face. i farted in  his face and he sniffed it. he loved the fresh fart. He whipped out his pp and dyed it neon green. i was very happy that his pp was green. then i turned my puthay green too and we had matching pp's.

'I love you hagrid' i said.

'I love you too thicci niki' 

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i wanted to get hagrid a v special present so i saved up a months worth of poo, even some runny poo and put it into a giant bucket. I added a note saying:

Dear Hagrid,

I love you and your neon green pp, here's a lovely smelly present just for you my love. <3

I went to his office with the present. 

'Surprise!' i shouted. he sniffed my poopoo and he ate it all up. yummy yummy. he puched out a poo of his own and gave it to me. it was warm and runny. it was perfect. hagrid had the best poo. he also had the best green pp. our child puthay was norty cuz she didn't make a good enough poo so we killed her like the others. I took her to the top of the astronomy tower and threw her off. she went splat and blood went everywhere. we flew on out brooms to her ded body and drank her blood and fried her organs for dinner. we chopped her and cooked her for aragog.

puthay was hawt but i was hawter. out babies were all ded but i didnt care cuz i had hagrids yummy poo.

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I was in the great hall, eating breakfast when cho chang walked past with a bucket of poopoo for hagrid. i was mad at that pancake booty bitch. HOW DARE SHE STEAL MY HUSBAND!!!!!!

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later on i went to the hut to tell hagrid and as i walked in, i founf cho and hagrid having the seggsy time.

'HAGRID HOW COULD YOU?!' I screamed. 'AND CHO YOU ARE NOT SMELLY ENOUGH TO DATE HAGRID MY HUSBAND!!!!' I threw a knife into hagrids arm in annger. blood spewed out everywhere and cho chang was screaming in fear. then i shot cho in the tatas and she ded.

Hagrid was slowly dieing.

'I love you niki, im sorry mamacita. i had to. she said if i didnt make child with her, she would kill you. I love you too much to risk ur life thicc booty niki.' oh no, i stabbed my soulmate over  misunderstanding.

'NO! HAGRID IM SORRY ILOVE YOU' I shouted in pain. I shat all over my hand and smeared it onto his face. heheld my hand

'goodbye mamacita... OWA OWA' he said. then he died. my soulmate was ded.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAGRID!!!!' I screamed. I loved him so much, i cant believe i killed him. then i remembered a potion that would bring him back to life. I added my poo, my sick, my wee, my spit and my toenails to a jar of boiled water and stirred it. the potion was ready. i poured it into hagrids mouth and he came back to life. 

'yummy yummy that was tasty, thanks mamacita' he said. I gave him a hug and we renewed our wedding vowels.