rage and recovery

this time its goodbye for good

i miss you more than anything in this world

and being strong is just too hard sometimes

and i cry for you on nights it feels like the world is caving in

because your smile always had a way of breathing life

into my tired heart

and your laugh made my heart soar higher than the stars 

when it was mingled with my own

and the way you looked at me snatched the air from my lungs

and made every other horror disappear for a moment.

you hurt me more than anyone else can

and you make my eyes flash red quicker than my own blood

and i want to scream myself hoarse at your self-assured smirk

but some wounded part of me misses that too.

a knife stabs its way into my chest

and my lungs stutter to a halt 

as soon as i see the sway in your step

as you're turning the corner

and i pretend to see anyone

anything else

but I'm still tuned into you

even when i wish i could cut the connection

and run for the hills.

but the worst part is walking by you

almost brushing hands

shoulders a whisper apart

and pretending like i never knew

the smell of your cologne

or the color of your bracelet 

or the burning heat of your gaze.

i feel a part of me die every time

and i want nothing more 

than to take it all back

and beg you to be with me

but i know i cant

because you cant be what i need

and I'm too much for what you want

so we play this game

of catching gazes across rooms

and amnesia blurred minds

and we ache and ache and ache

because we grew and hurt and ran

and we pushed each other apart

when we should have ran together.