rage and recovery

i never thought you would be a wolf in sheep's clothing

what piece of this puzzle am i missing?

you were supposed to be different

safe, quiet, serene

a silent savior in the background.

but your words are just a false as his

and your heart bears no more fruit than 

the heart of the man that tore me apart.

I'm in the middle of a game

that I never signed up to play

and your hands are wrapped tightly around my throat

leading me along this dark path to destruction.

doctor jekyll and mr hyde have disguised themselves

in the safe armor of tall blonde saviors

and i led them to the heart of my existence

without even so much as a cusory glance. 

when will i learn that danger comes cloaked

in beautiful bodies and kind words and

the smile of someone who you never thought

would take your heart and smash it into shards

and paint the walls with your blood

because he happened to like the color red. 

what is the space between total isolation

and unbriddled trust in the world

and how the hell do I get there?

how do you know the difference between

honeysuckle words steeped in poison

and the warm words of an honest soul?

and if there is no way to tell,

if i can't find the missing link,

then should i just close the castle gates for good?

they can't destroy the interior of a holy place

if that interior never sees the light of day.

but does that place cease to deliver its magic

if it is starved of the light of day?

do i even want the power of that magic

if its discovery could be my ruin?