Is It Really Worth It? -Depressed Deku [ON BREAK/HOLD]

Ch. 25

A/n: I recently unpublished this chapter and then republished it after some changes because I felt that I shouldn't have written this chapter the way I did for certain reasons, I'm sorry about that :/

⚠️Also Just a quick heads up. I know this whole story has triggers in it with the self harm and suicide and stuff, but I just wanted to add that in this particular chapter it describes self harm in a bit more detail. Please if your every self harming or want to self harm, seek help and talk to people, especially adults, that you can trust. Remember you are all loved <33

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Deku's POV

I decided I was going to spend the rest of my weekend being somewhat productive. Figured I should do my very late homework that I still haven't done. But I promised the teacher I'd turn it in by next Friday so that is what I'm going to do. I did my laundry cleaned up a bit and even made myself some food. But I found that even though the food I made was a normal portion size, it took me a long time to eat it. I already didn't want to eat but my friends and my mother started to notice how little I ate so now I have to eat more especially around them.

Or you could be just be more careful..?

NO.

I can't keep thinking like that. My weight was already small and me not eating will only make things worse in the end. Just because I look in the mirror and absolutely hate what I see for many reasons, doesn't mean my friends should worry about me like this. Besides, they already have enough on their plate.

It's just...

Recently I've been eating more then I normally do. And I don't like that. I know I should properly stop eating so much but I haven't for some reason. But I don't understand, usually telling myself no is much easier.

On a more positive note, I haven't cut myself in awhile! I really want to though... but for some reason I haven't. I just don't really have the energy to even hurt myself. I just go to school, come home, and lay in bed all day. I know it isn't healthy but I've stopped caring.

Then I got a text that absolutely broke me.

To some I might have been overreacting but this was a big deal to me.

Recently  I've been making friends outside of school. Whether it be online or in my area it didn't matter, although I did find it much easier to make online friends because I didn't feel pressured to act happy all the time.. maybe that's why I open up to strangers on the internet more than my actual friends who I think just want to help.. or maybe they just are just playing some game with me I don't know anymore. But it was nice talking to knew people. Of course I was careful but I was finally connecting with people again. There was one person in particular. He and I meet a few months ago and immediately become close. They made me so happy. We helped each other when we could and since we were that close we had each others phone numbers. We texted everyday and FaceTimed for hours every week. The only down-side was that we lived in different far away areas. But other then that It was amazing. Expect for the fact that their parents were very strict.. we both knew that if they found out about me that he would be in tons of trouble, and I didn't want to put him in a place like that. The family would also do much more then that but I won't get into details. Recently, his family has been even more strict then normal and taking his phone away, our only means of communication, for no reason.  But we still tried to text often and be there for each other. But I got a text explaining how his parents have been VERY angry with them and decided that the solution was to take his phone away for a very LONG time. He texted me pretty much saying goodbye and implied about he was sorry but knew that this meant that we would never talk to each other anymore. I said that I was sorry and I also thanked him for everything's he's done.