Is It Really Worth It? -Depressed Deku [ON BREAK/HOLD]

Ch.17

Deku's POV 

When I went home I found a note from my mother saying that she would be working late. This didn't really bother me and I actually enjoyed the time I would have to myself. But I sadly had a lot of homework I needed to get done..

Homework is so annoying.

Its been hours of doing work and I'm at least glade that I have gotten most of it done. I do this thing to myself were I don't allow myself to eat unless I have all my work done. It was now night and I realized that I hadn't eaten anything today since lunch. So, I decided to make some food for myself. 

One I had made and eaten a small bowl of food for myself I stated zoning out and thinking. Which just lead me to thinking  about depression, and cutting, etc. I don't even know if I actually have depression. Sure I SEEM depressed, but am I just being over-dramatic? I probably am.  I also realized I have A TONE of questions in my head that I'm too afraid to ask others.......

Why do I think about cutting and such so often? 

Why aren't I good enough? 

Why is cutting my answer to my own self hatred?

Why don't I feel happy for my accomplishments and just feel disappointed?

..............This caused me wonder why I wasn't happy.

I mean, I live in a house, have a loving mother, and friends who all say they care about me? I feel like this makes me selfish for not appreciating these things more. i mean, I do! But if that was completely true than I wouldn't be feeling this way I guess. 

It would just be too selfish and burdening to talk more about my problems when there are people who do have it worse than me. What right do I have to be upset, when I don't think I have a reason to be but I am? I wonder what that answer would be. If I ask friends/family they will immediately worry when I just want an answer to a "simple" question: Why am I sad?

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Heyy!! Sorry for the long-ish wait. I wasn't really feeling too motivated and I just kinda procrastinated :p. I'm also sorry that the chapter wasn't long or plot-filling if that somehow makes sense. I just wanted to post something. I've said this multiple times before but I don't like how bland and useless this chapter is. I'll try to make a more plot-filling and interesting chapter soon lol.

......But anyways I wanted to thank all of you amazing people for your comments and endless support!! It makes me really happy when I see all those amazing words of encouragement! They may only take a minute, but your comments brighten my (and others) day :)

So make sure you, yourself has an awesome day!!!