The Knight in Dark Armor

Chapter 8

Two and a half years ago

I sat in my desk, drawing slowly as the teacher went on about the lesson. I hadn't been paying much attention the whole class and I silently wished it would be over soon. Today I planned to go out and do something for the first time in awhile. I hadn't done much since my sisters death. I still blamed myself for it of course and had done a lot to change how I dealt with things. I couldn't honestly even bear thinking about raising my fist towards anything anymore.
When I had made that promise, I had meant it. It took awhile, especially with Aidan always ticking me off and pushing me to my limit. I had gotten so good at not fighting back that even he grew bored with me after a time. The hardest thing to do still was look at my parents. I knew deep down they thought it was my fault that Evelyn had fallen because of a fight I couldn't let go of. They tried to not mention it again. The sadness on their faces said it all however and it was hard for me to ignore it.
I rose my hand and asked to go to the bathroom to which the teacher said yes. When I got up, my drawing fell to the ground. At that moment I didn't care and I simply walked out of the room.
When I reached the bathroom I put my hands on the sink and my head fell. I looked back up after awhile and stared at myself in the mirror. I was disappointed with what I saw.
I didn't look ugly mind you. Just not the way I wanted to look. I had long black hair that sometimes fell over my blue eyes. I knew I needed to cut it but I could never find the time to do it for some reason and so it grew longer.
My head was shaped normally but my jaw was sharp. I had gotten many comments about it in the past and for some reason it had always angered me a bit. I was very scrawny and weak looking as I hadn't really eaten much more than I had to. My clothes were what disappointed me the most. I was wearing very baggy clothing both top and bottoms and it was clear I did not change often. I would like to say that I thought about changing many times but could never find it in me to do so. All in all, I knew things needed to change and that's why I had chosen this day to do so.
I washed my hands and then left the bathroom to go back to class. To my surprise when I got back to my desk I didn't see my drawing on the floor anymore. I looked around for a little before finally giving up. I got out a new piece of paper and began to draw on it.

****

After class ended it was time to walk home. I walked out the school doors and a little down the block towards my home. Towards but not to exactly, as I had other plans. It took a little while but I finally reached my destination.
It was the dreaded spot where my sister had fallen over. I took a deep breath and grabbed the small bars and began to climb over them.
"If I don't survive this." I said as I climbed over. "Than I don't deserve to live." I'm not sure exactly why this is what I said as it could have very well been the last thing I would say.
As I went to let go of the bars to fall I felt hands grasp at my backpack and pull me towards them. I felt the cold bars on my back as I found stability in where I stood. I turned around to see a very worried looking Camilla.
"Caden!" She was yelling at me. "What are you doing?!"
I quickly pulled myself over the bars.
"Camilla? Were you following me?" I finally asked her.
"Yes!" She was still slightly yelling. "I didn't think you would do this though!"
I simply stared at her. "It should have been me..." I said softly. "I could have walked away from that fight."
Camilla's expression softened. "Caden..." she said slowly. "It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known. If you had, you know you would have stopped it."
"What do you know Camilla?" I shouted at her. I was angry she had stopped me from doing what I had come to do.
She rose a piece of paper in her left hand and handed it to me. I took it and turned it over. "I know you need help." She finally said.
It was my drawing. I hadn't noticed it before but I had drawn the accident again. There I was at the top of the parking lot safe behind the bars and my sister was falling as my fist went towards the boy who had picked a fight with me. This time however a black silhouette stood at the bottom with its hands raised to catch my falling sister.
I thrust the paper to the ground and fell to my knees. "I tried..." I said slowly. "I tried to catch her." Tears finally flowed from my eyes. Camilla knelt down to me. I had never known her further than her being Evelyn's friend. Suddenly I collapsed onto her and she held me. I cried in her arms as she comforted me...

****
I was handed a remote and I took it. "Whatever you want to watch." Camilla said while smiling at me. She sat next to me on the couch and handed me a drink. It seemed to be tea and I took it. It was tea and I thanked Camilla as it slightly helped me feel better. It had been cold outside and the warm beverage was welcome.
"Do you like music at all?" Camilla suddenly asked me.
"I guess so..." I mumbled. "Why?"
"My family and I are going to a concert soon and I think it would be a good idea if you came. You should invite your family as well."
I flicked on the TV and began to look for something to watch. Camilla had changed out of her school clothes and now wore causal almost pajama looking top and bottoms, her blond hair was messed up as it was a windy day. Her green eyes still looked a little sad from earlier and I felt bad for it.
"Okay I will ask them." I finally said. "When is it?"
Camilla got up quickly. "I'll be right back." Then she walked off.
I stared at my tea. I couldn't help wondering how I had gotten here compared to what could have been if I had fell off the bars. I could be dead for crying out loud. Maybe Camilla was right, maybe I did need help.
She came back into the room. "It's just a couple weeks away. Just after the quarter ends."
I nodded. "Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked her suddenly. "You and I always fought."
She smiled. "I've never hated you Caden. You always think someone's looking for a fight." She sat next to me again. "Most of the time I was just trying to end it and other times I wanted to see where it would go." She punched my arm playfully. "Never threw any punches though." She said.
I smiled a little. "Yeah, you were one of the lucky ones." I looked down at my tea again.
"Alright Caden. Come on pick something to watch." Camilla said.
I picked up the remote again and flicked through the channels hoping to find something that I could get lost in...