luca sat still on the edge of lex's hotel bed. her eyes trained on the wall as she thought of her grandma. an old school puerto rican who refused to speak english to her grandchildren because it wasn't her native language. mirza hernández had this sixth sense that the family liked to call and it never seemed to fail her either, "es que tu tienes que buscará el hombre que tu felicidad no tenga que estar en el, hija" you need to find a man who you know your happiness won't rely on him, my love, her grandma told her one day as luca helped her grandma water her plants.
luca looked at her grandma. the sixty-seven year old woman had seen and lived through many decades and many different ways people took the word love and happiness, "i don't want a man, or need one, abuela." luca retorted making her grandma scoff. luca preached this whole sermon on her life but at the end of the day humans were not mande to be by themselves, "i rather break my own heart than have someone else do it for me again."
"you can't go through life like this, luca valentina." her grandmother reminded her, "there's so much to life." her grandmother was quiet again, "i just.." she paused for a second and tucked a strand of hair behind her granddaughters ear, "i don't want you to miss out on life. you are so young and you have so much to live for you to be so malicious when it comes to your love life. don't ever let a man determine how you view yourself and how you love."
luca shook her head. she understood and respected her grandmother. luca was so strong willed and sometimes it could easily cloud her judgment. regardless, sometimes she felt like she was back to where she had been years prior to when she was a teenager. yet, she liked the adrenaline that came with it. the sense of just having him because he brought her peace and even though she loved what she had in life, with him she liked what she brought to her.
lex turned around, spritzing perfume and letting out a deep sigh, "ready?" she asked her friend who nodded and smiled.
it wasn't odd for her to be at games but it was different. things were different. she had never been so confused. sometimes it was best to enjoy the bliss of being so unaware of what was to happen and where the path would take them, "i'm losing control." luca stated as she turned to look at lex from the back of the uber.
they were both giving in, unaware that they both were. both scared of the games that had failed them and the reality of their feelings because if they were to accept them things felt like they needed to change, "i figured you both would." she finally answered after a couple of moments of silence, trying to come up with the best answer for her friend, "it happened sooner than we all thought it would, though." lex was so sincere in the moment, nothing like the world was used to seeing her as.
"i don't even love him." luca expelled.
"you don't know what love is because you have never had someone to love you. armaud never loved you and you never loved armaud. it was infatuation, it was the sexual attraction and the maybe you and him did care for each other at one point, but it wasn't love." lex expressed.
luca stayed silent, nibbling her lip as she scrolled through the pictures that had been captured of them together in the weeks and days and hours and seconds they had been together, "what even is love?" luca spoke, her voice soft and scared, "is it even real?"
and frankly. love wasn't always about having butterflies in your stomach all the time. love is calm. love is comfortable. it's where you can sit in silence and find peace. it's the silence being worth more than a thousand words.
there was a turmoil they both felt around each other. their insides eager to be connected but their hearts so guarded. their brains having thousands of words and thoughts running around and it gets to a point where you have to find something to focus on. for devin, it was always luca and her natural state. laughter leaving her lips and her eyes shinning against the sunlight. they were pools of honey and he loved them. for luca, it was how secure she felt i'm his arms. the security blanket and how warm and safe she felt around him. the mask that they wore for the public being taken off and their true colors to be shown to each other in the privacy of what they were.
devin looked at luca. the game over and done with. his muscles longing for the bed. enjoying the company of people. the warm lights that strung around them. the wine infront of him and luca by his side. he felt on cloud nine. a genuine smile and laughter being shared, "i don't care, booker." lex stated, leaning closer to her fiancé as she rolled her eyes, "you're lucky we even keep you around."
"aye man." he spoke, as he wrapped his arm around luca's shoulder, no care in the world, "i ain't lo for you to be talking to me reckless." he fought back.
devin looked down at luca, a smile on his lips as luca looked at him and smiled back, "you staying?" he asked and luca nodded feeling him pull her closer, "good." he spoke as he returned his attention to mike and lex.
"anyways," lex smiled, "we gonna go." she spoke as mike was already standing up and and giving out their goodbyes to them.
luca watched her friend and fiancé leave. suddenly, it was her and devin again. luca brought his wine glass to her lips, slowly sipping it as she watched his frame disappear closer to the pool. devin turned to look at luca, watching her drink his final last sips of his wine, "that's illegal." he joked as luca got up and walked towards him.
his arms extended to meet her body, wanting to hold her close, "mhmm."'she hummed out and her body was pressed against his, feeling his hands rub up and down her back, "it's not unless you say something." she responded.
devin looked down at luca and her beady and round eyes looking at him and he was putty. he looked down at her lips wanting to taste them.
itsluca 3h
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