devin looked at his phone. it was becoming a ritual of typing up a heartfelt message to send to luca and deleting. his fingers moved quickly on his screen, his eyes trained as they went left to right reading the message before taking his thumb and deleting the whole paragraph and only to do this multiple times a day and the message never being sent or written for the matter. matter of fact, devin missed luca and his heart ached knowing the circumstances she was in, but he couldn't bring himself to step up to the plate for his own selfish reasons.
it had been weeks since devin and luca spoke, the last time they spoke the phone call was no longer than a minute and it wasn't like much was said either. the phone call alluded to devin calling her to apologize for her loss like everyone else and luca muttering a thank you. truth of the matter, luca had expected more from devin during such difficult and was strongly disappointed when he didn't rise up to the occasion. she would be lying herself if she said she didn't miss him as well but just couldn't exactly point out why the fact that he had simply called her with the generic line of "i'm sorry for your loss." had bother her so much.
maybe, just maybe she thought, he would've flown out? but the idea of him taking time off to come to her side wasn't even realistic, "you're upset because you expected him to show up for YOU." sophia emphasized cutting her off from her trance. in the weeks from the incident, sophia had found out she was expecting a child and the grief anyone wanted to take time and feel was replaced with the sense of wanting to live again for the sake of the life that was being blessed during this time, "you've been pacing back and forth, it's making me nauseous." sophia muttered, her eyes closed not even bothering to look at luca who narrowed her eyes. she hadn't even noticed that her phone was in her hand and or even pacing. time was a thief and truly she couldn't even remember the last time she even picked up her phone other to to answer lex or family who was trying to reach them respectively.
"i am not." she hissed, slightly offended but deep down to her core, luca knew sophia was right. she was bothered. her thought process lead her to the conclusion that she had deserved so much more than a sorry ass apology from him- way more from him. there had been nights where luca had bore her herself into him as he poured into her and with lines blurred and all she figured that he would've been here by now, but he hadn't. luca wasn't sure what to do with that information or knowledge and it had led her to a spiral of emotions and those were emotions she didn't have time for currently. there was so many other dire things that needed her attention, like a very pregnant sophia, "do you need water?" she questioned after a few moments as sophia shook her head, pushing herself up from the couch and looking at sophia.
"our lives didn't stop." she looked at luca softly, "your life didn't stop. he's gone and we're still here and all we can do is keep it pushing." sophia looked at luca and tears both brimmed their eyes as they looked at each other again. they didn't know how they would've survived this time without each other but they were. day by day and sometimes the days were longer than others but they went on and so did life- like sophia said. luca wasn't sure how long it had taken sophia to go through all of the stages of grief but it was like one day she lost him, the next she's blessed with a small piece of him and the next life just went on and forgot about quentin. but luca couldn't. sophia couldn't.
"sophs." luca whispered and sophia shook her head.
"i'm gonna go take a nap before you make me cry." she smiled, "babies feel all the mothers emotions and if i don't want my child coming out a train wreck like you." she trailed off winking at her friend, "i'm gonna walk away from you lu, and go to sleep."
luca watched sophia disappear into her room leaving her and her thoughts.
i deserved more than i'm sorry for your loss.
she finally typed out
devin sighed, shaking his head when luca finally broke the silence between them. she was right. she deserved a lot more than what he was giving her and it wasn't something right now he couldn't bring himself to be. he wasn't the man luca deserved and let alone someone who was ready to be one. yet, he was so selfish. greedy. he didn't want anyone to experience luca the way he was and had and the thought of her not being in his life just simply didn't sit right with him. she was such an integral part of his life and even though there was life outside of luca valentina, he would rather not live to see a day than not have her.
i know baby
"he knows?" estrella yelled out, looking at luna in disbelief, "that's all his sorry ass has to say?" they were so angry. selfish people wanted to have their cake and eat it too and that was the case between devin and luca. they both would rather be in each others life even if they both knew they would never be able to give each other what they wanted.
"language." luna warned, "estrella, love you act like we haven't learned about selfish people."
estrella huffed out, "my heart hurts for poor poor luca." she smiled sadly. she was such a beauty, "i can't help it."
"oh estrella." luna shook their heads, "you haven't even seen the way he destroys her yet."
