I'm Fine

Recovery isn't linear

Peter fell into a depressive episode after May died. For a month and a half, all he did was lay in his bed and watch Law and Order: SVU reruns. It was her favorite show.

Bruce Banner was a licensed therapist and he came into Peter's room to talk to him every day. Tony personally moved everything from Peter's old room to his new room at Stark Tower and there was a small burial for Aunt May (which Peter did not attend because he couldn't bear to see his aunt in a casket.)

~~~

"Anything else you need to talk about kid?" Bruce asked softly. They had been in therapy f0r the past three hours. He was glad that Peter was finally opening up. This was a huge accomplishment because he usually only said a couple of sentences per session.

"No, I think that's it for now," Peter replied with a shaky voice as he wiped his red eyes with a tissue. He cried a lot during the session.

"I'm so proud of you for opening up today. Remember, if you ever need to talk please call me. I live here too so you have access to me 24/7."

"Thanks, I will," Peter said as Bruce walked out and closed the door.

He flopped onto his bed and rubbed his eyes. It had been a long day. He decided to engage in therapy for May.

"She would be so proud of me for going to therapy," Peter thought with a smile. It slowly faded away as he felt the overwhelming grief take over him once again.

"It's my fault May's dead. I should've stayed home like I usually did when I had PTSD episodes. Everyone I love is gone because of me. I should do everyone a favor and just leave. What's the point of living if everyone I love is gone? It's my fault she's dead-"

"It's not my fault" Peter repeated out loud to himself trying to stop the dark spiral of thoughts.

Peter started cutting himself the day after May died. It was the only thing that could bring him out of a negative thought spiral. He had been clean for a week. Bruce and Tony were extremely proud of him.

"It's not my fault" He got out a red marker and started to draw on himself as Bruce suggested but it did not work.

"It's not my fault" He popped the rubber band on his wrist until it popped but that did not work either.

His thoughts became louder and louder as he ran through his list of coping mechanisms.

"Should I call Bruce? Nononono I can handle this on my own. He's done enough already," Peter thought.

What he was about to do was wrong but it was the only thing that could stop the thoughts that were torturing him. He reached under his bed and fumbled for a familiar tiny box. He took it to his restroom and poured the contents onto the floor which were razor blades and gauze.

The door opened and Peter froze as he saw Bruce walk in.

"Sorry for barging in, I forgot my phone and you didn't answer when I knocked several times. To be honest I got a little nerv-"

Bruce stopped talking as he saw the sight before him. The poor kid was crying and breathing heavily. There was a little tin box, bandages, and oh no, razor blades. Damn it, I thought he gave me all of his razors.

Peter hid his face from shame. Bruce immediately felt empathy for him. He had also lost his family at a young age and struggled with the same mental health issues Peter struggled with.

"Hey hey hey shhhhh. It's just me. It's ok." He said gently as he sat across from Peter on the restroom floor.

"Nononononononononononothiscantbehappeninghe'sgonnabesomadatme," Peter thought as his breathing became faster.

"What happened on the last episode of Law and Order: SVU?" Bruce asked calmly.

"Huh?"

"What happened on the last episode of Law and Order: SVU?

"Uh B-Benson's son.... got... kidnapped... by his grandma..." he said between breaths.

"Bruce I can't do this I can't breathe."

"Yes you can kid. Keep going."

Peter closed his eyes to focus on the story and tried again.

"She went to SVU and got the agents together. They found the grandma's location on her phone and went after her. Turn's out that it was a fake phone to lead them off. Benson remembers that she put a tracker on Noah's arm so they end up finding him..."
~~~~

Peter told Bruce the synopsis of 10 episodes for 40 minutes. His breathing eventually became normal again. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Bruce had taken the blade from his hand and the bandages and box were nowhere to be found.

"I-I'm sorry for lying to you about the blades."

"It's ok kid. It's normal to relapse here and there. Recovery isn't linear. Was it another negative thought spiral?"

"Yeah"

"That's what I figured. Listen kid, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone in your room for the rest of the day. It would be awkward for me to stay here and watch you so I invited Flash to stay over if that's ok with you."

"Hey Peter," Flash said as he walked into the restroom and sat next to him.

Peter didn't notice but Flash had been sitting in his room for a while waiting for Peter to calm down. He cared so much about his best friend and he rushed over when Bruce texted him.

"I'll leave y'all to it!" Bruce said as he walked out of the room. "Text me if he gets worse." He mouthed to Flash out of Peter's line of sight.

Flash hadn't seen or heard from him since the day May died. Peter rarely used his phone and there were many unread messages. Tony would text updates about him to Flash, MJ, and Ned so they wouldn't worry. He was excited to spend this one-on-one time with him. He has liked Peter ever since elementary school. He was not out to anyone yet but he knew Peter would be the first person he told.

"It's so good to see you Pete. I've missed you," Flash said while looking into his beautiful eyes.

"Thanks for coming. It means a lot that you're here. I've missed you so much," Peter responded, blushing a little.

They stared at each other for a while. Flash didn't mention the scars littered over Peter's arms. He looked visibly exhausted. The light was gone from his eyes and it was noticeable that he lost a good amount of weight.

"Let's order in some food and have a movie night. Doesn't that sound fun?" Flash said secretly hoping he would say yes because he desperately wanted him to eat something. Peter knew what he was doing but it was ok because it was Flash. He'd do anything for him.

"Yeah, that sounds fun," Peter replied.

They didn't remember when it happened but as they got up, they were holding hands. Neither of them let go.

A/N
I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I took a much needed mental health break but now I'm back and ready to bust out some more chapters for y'all. Never be afraid to take a break for your mental health. DM if you need to talk. Please comment! I really want to know if you liked it.
-RR

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